None of a kind

It's been a while

2011-09-20T10:48:00.002-05:00

A very long while.

No one reads this anymore, I'm certain.

But sometimes I share it.

My days are rather dull, ejecting my résumé all over the Internet, as if it were seeds to a field.

What an infertile field it is. Had some interviews, a few that went well (at least I thought) but nothing that resulted in an offer. I had infinitely more luck as an undergraduate.

The rejection is quite crushing, but my mood is on an upswing, I think...

Also trying to relearn everything I've forgotten and more, Linux once again provides it's warm challenge to my abilities...

Snippets?

2009-12-01T15:33:00.002-06:00

I don't understand why people can put stupid black boxes in their pictures, but not crop the damn things.

I am under a spell from a female I want to know well. I am happy, but I can't tell how thick the ice is. If I crash through, I might freeze to death, as there's no one to hold my hand...

The glint of Sapphire lights my day.

XKCD....

2009-08-12T01:11:00.005-05:00

Hehe, why does this remind me so much of me!

And I know it's too wide for the post. I told blogger to use a small pic, but it seems to have refused my request. Oh well.

And it's Spanish that I learned in highschool...

*shudder*

Caffeine

2009-05-04T09:40:00.002-05:00

Don't worry, I read that in order to over dose, I'd need to drink 80 cups. I'm still at least 70 cups short of this mark.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Caffeinated_spiderwebs.jpg

My Statement of Purpose...

2009-04-05T13:42:00.006-05:00

There was a funny line in here, so I thought I'd share the whole thing. It may seem trite, but I think it was more formality than anything. See if you can find the line that made me chuckle. Or share which line made you chuckle!

********** STATEMENT OF PURPOSE **********
********** FOR MASTER'S DEGREE **********
There are many reasons why I would like to pursue a Master's in Computer Engineering. I feel it compliments my deep interest in computer science with my background in Electrical Engineering. The research I have been participating in as an undergrad is also best placed under the category of "Computer Engineering". In addition to the courses I have already taken at Washington University, there are many more that I have a strong desire to take, given the opportunity.

Pursuing my Masters will give me insight into whether pursuit of a Doctorate is a good aim for me. I have found that I am well-suited to doing research, and would like to continue. The interaction with professors that research allows far exceeds that of a standard classroom environment, and has driven my desire for knowledge beyond where I thought it could be. The Storage Based Supercomputing group at Washington University has inspired me to try new ideas, concepts, and allow myself to be creative in the solutions I obtain while guaranteeing the validity of my results. I feel the time I have spent with them over the course of the past year is only the beginning, and there is much more for me to undertake.

Participating in new challenges that cannot be solved by a simple Google search is an enlightening experience. The growth I've experienced intellectually and academically through the opportunities I've been given and accepted is beyond words. Being able to say that I've not only "learned" but "applied" is something that most people in my position are unable to claim. Through the application of material I've learned, a realization has occurred that I actually understand. This process of complementing my knowledge with experience is a process I am loathe to put an end to.

I believe I would be a good candidate for a few reasons. I have a deep appreciation for the opportunities given to me, and put my best foot forward with every step. I plan on continuing work with the research group I've been working with during the course of the past year. I feel the skills I've demonstrated and developed with my advisors at Washington University can still be improved further, and there is a mutual desire for this improvement to take place.

********* END STATEMENT OF PURPOSE *********
I won't share the line I found funny until you share the line you found funny. (Whoever "you" are...)

There was also a misspelling...

Unforeseen Accident.

2009-03-31T18:34:00.003-05:00

Unforeseen accident... I know, by definition, all accidents are unforeseen. But this really hit me hard.

My car was the white car. I'm unharmed, but spiritually drained...

Misspelling.

2009-03-21T14:18:00.005-05:00

First, a quick discovery not related to spelling. if you search 'Existence is futile,' I'm the top result! Rock on! Wooha! And all the other exclamations of pride and joy you can think of.

I have become so reliant on spell check that I just throw words out there and figure they will get underlined if I mistype them. It's not always right though, as I have discovered my vocabulary exceeds its vocabulary. But it is a far better speller than I am.

There are a few problems, of course. Like words that it must repeatedly correct for me.

One word that I frequently misspell in various ways is 'excercise'. Sometimes the spell check doesn't even know what the hell I mean, I spell it so poorly. Also some words just look wrong when spelled correctly 'misspell' is an example, due to the double 's'. Also, 'propagate'. I guess because that's not the way I pronounce it. 'Received' always tricks me with that 'e' before 'i'.

I'm working on a project involving speech recognition, can you tell? Doesn't help that I keep wanting to spell it 'speach.'

What can I say, I really like peaches...

Where I live...

2009-03-14T15:06:00.003-05:00

Wow, I was tracking down where I was meeting my friends this evening, when I found a feature on google maps that actually lets you move down a street and view the environment in 360 degrees.

So now, when someone wants to find my place, I can send them a link and they can clearly see exactly where I live, even going so far as to explore my neighborhood.

I've included the html version below, crazy....

View Larger Map

Damnit Pandora...

2009-03-13T06:29:00.003-05:00

...I'm not a twelve-year-old girl.

Stop playing the Jonas Brothers already.

And what the hell do they have to do with Kate Nash and Kim Fox, anyway?

Oh! I see now, somehow you used them as a seed.

That totally sounds like something I would accidentally do.

(Don't ask if that last sentence was sarcasm, I'm not even sure myself.)

((For the longest time, I thought sarcasm deserved an 'h' somewhere.))

Zzyzzyryz doesn't (really) exist.

2008-12-16T08:11:00.004-06:00

It's sort of interesting that Google seems like a validation tool for the existence (or lack thereof) of almost anything. When in doubt, google it. And when you don't get results, then it probably doesn't exist, right?

Seems that way. Those spiders scour every nook and cranny of the web so we don't have to. Could you imagine life without search engines? I can, but I don't want to.

On another note, I wanted to do invisibility for my research, but we lack the resources necessary to produce the proper formulation of metamaterials...

Update March 13, 2009:
Zzyzzyryz now shows up in a search engine, thanks entirely to me.

I'd say, 'woot,' but I don't think that term is appropriate here, or anywhere, for that matter.

Well, except the website, www.woot.com.

Oops, I should be doing work, not this.

Poor Journal...

2008-09-18T15:02:00.003-05:00

It was either write in my journal, or write on my blog. Unfortunately for the journal, I type much faster.

I was going through recycling and found something I wrote...

Wandering best buy... She's bored, but she smiles anyway. That warm, adorable, sexy smile. Even as I leave without buying anything, I leave with everything I want. We wait for the train in the chilly night, but I don't need an excuse to share my heat with her. Her eyes twinkle with little secrets, which she'll reveal later. I could have driven, but I'm in no hurry to get anywhere, next to her is where I want to be.

Strangely, I don't remember who this was written about. I think it might have been fictional.

Wonder if I even have any readers left...

Hooked by Travian

2008-05-21T20:56:00.002-05:00

So this game is like an online sim. Like sim-city, but much more basic, and multi-player. More like civilization. It's very slow-paced, generally. For example, it takes units anywhere from 8 minutes to 24 minutes to travel a single square. (Maybe longer for seige weapons).

Here's the link to register an account. I play on servers 3, 4, and 5, my name is Kheremos. I think I started in the north for two of them, but the placement is random.

I might mention more resources later.

Rice, Vocabulary, and Humanitarianism.

2008-05-16T14:23:00.003-05:00

All in one place:

http://www.freerice.com/

Word...

Dreams and Reality...

2008-04-29T15:25:00.003-05:00

I've had many strange dreams before, but last night was ridiculous.

I don't even know where to begin, as they are fading as I'm typing this.

I dreamt parts of me were glowing, as if radio-active blue. So I thought I was dying. And the people I talked to were telling me not to worry, but not telling me what was wrong.

I dreamt there was some bizarre war between three alien species. I was on one of the losing sides. I, for some unexplained reason, had to cross this ocean. But I knew it was filled with "bad guys" who were just waiting for an opportunity to take me down. And I was alone. Without weaponry. As a matter of fact, I was sort of misplaced, it seemed. In a dream of fantasy, the reality me was far from properly equipped. I threw something into the water to see what the reaction would be and it frothed a bit, then missile-type objects started flying out of the ocean at me. I think they were meant to stun me, and I dodged a few but a few connected, and that's all I remember...

But as strangely unpleasant as these dreams were, they were somewhat better than waking up.

Thanks for reading...

I wish...

2008-04-24T08:03:00.003-05:00

... I could be more fair.
... I could be hers.
... I could do this.
... I wasn't selfish.
... I wasn't obsessive.
... she would stay.

I'm a pouting bitch today, aren't I?

Free Chipotle at noon though, that's kinda neat...
Take care, benevolent reader.

Avoid my Drunk Dial List...

2008-04-22T09:09:00.002-05:00

Be warned, this is an example of a drunk dial I sent to a close friend:

"Hello, hey, so, I don’t know if you can even hear me but I’m just calling to say hi. The movie just got out, it was entertaining. Um, ya I told you I was going to see a movie, right? Uh, the one with Bruce Campbell you know about the dead Necronomicon and he went back in the past and stuff, cuz they have like a drink special. And ya, and remember I told you a girls name and I told you to check out Facebook to see what you thought…but you know…mmmm…what was I going to say—oh ya, campin’. It’s gonna be fun campin’…campin’ that’s how Jason pronounces it…campin’….Jason’s my brother, you know that right? And I’m pretty much just going to talk until either I go to use the bathroom or your messages cut me off. So if you’re listening to this, you don’t have to keep listening 'cuz I’m not going to remember what I said. Oh ya and I also so wanted to post my fucking video today, but my computer sucks. And it doesn’t suck in a good way it’s like bad sucking…like a vacuum with teeth or whatever sucks in a bad way, a vampire with murderous intentions. Does that make sense? Meaning like a vampire who sucks but doesn’t kill makes you become a vampire and I could live forever you know, I could watch my friends grow old and die…actually I wouldn’t have to, I’d just go someplace else, cuz I’m a fucking vampire and I…wait, I’m going off on a tangent. Shit. Um, ya I’m going to go ahead and let you go now because your probably playing this message like over and over trying to understand my words and I don’t even know if you can hear me…I don’t even know if me…"

Wow, a grain of humor in a disconnected jumble. Apparently that movie reminded me of vampires. And what's with the profanity, sheesh.

I Identify with Oranges

2008-04-07T23:52:00.006-05:00

Umm, does the claim, "Inside Joke" work at all here...?

Senseless Addictions

2008-03-29T17:29:00.012-05:00

Ok, possibly that's too provocative a title for such a relatively harmless post. But if you suffer through it, all the better.

There's this site, www.woot.com. They sell things 'on the cheap'. They have a sister-site called shirt.woot.com. They have competitions (derbies) where the fans design shirts that get voted on and if they win they make some money and people get to buy unique shirts. I've bought a few, and today's is especially tempting:

Spring-ATRON R.E.S.U.B.

What I've Bought...

First I'll cover the random shirts I bought. Sometimes they clear out the warehouse with random shirts, I ordered two, and I would again in a heartbeat. The first I'll show was called "Decomposition"
The second one is called "Killer Bees"

And the three I bought intentionally (As in, not randomly).
"Canadian Periodic Table"
"Swimming Koi"
And finally, "Lady out of Water"

Oh my goodness, Canadian money is...!

2008-03-19T08:03:00.005-05:00

Hopefully the picture speaks for itself, because I, quite frankly, don't feel like saying anything more about it...

(For clarification, it appears Canadian money is about to pass American money in exchange rates.)

Famous People I've Enjoyed

2008-01-26T11:12:00.001-06:00

Although I frequently profess to avoiding TV, there are a few shows that I find worth my time, from an entertainment and an academic standpoint.

Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer:
He doesn't train the pets, he trains the owners. You can gain a great many insights into dog behavior just by watching this show a few times. Cesar is firm yet caring with the animals, and his perfect balance and confidence really demonstrate how well we can get along with "man's best friend."

Duff Goldman, the ace of cakes:
If, five years ago, you had told me I would watch a show about a cake shop, I would probably have laughed at you. I mean, a TV show... About cakes... What...? But after just watching once, I was hooked. It's more like watching a show about three dimensional art. They make people's dreams come true, literally. They have become so renowned that they have made cakes for such events as the super bowl and the opening night of a Harry Potter movie. The cakes are amazing to behold, and getting to see the entire process is very interesting. As strange as it is to admit I am known to watch a show entirely about cakes, I feel no shame. The characters are pretty entertaining, too.

Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, the Mythbusters:
This probably comes as less of a surprise than the above. I enjoy the antics. I enjoy the explosions. I enjoy the dialog. And I enjoy the knowledge. Usually the results are predictable, but the methods they use and the results they generate are always fun to behold. The list of topics they've covered is immense, but they never cease to amaze me with their ingenuity. Adam and Jamie make a good combo, with the goofy nerd type and the dry-witted cynic.

Mike Rowe, Dirty Jobs:
It's incredible how many jobs there are out there that I would never do. This show consistently adds to that list. Yet, for a day at a time, Mike works them all. Some are disgusting, some are simply dirty, and some are so rancid I am forced to look away... But not for long. Mike's humor is sometimes subtle, sometimes crass, but almost always spot-on. He makes the best of bad situations, and he makes bad jokes in the worst of situations. His crass humor can be the highlight, and when even modern day sitcoms fail to consistently make me laugh, he somehow does a good job of making me chuckle.

So, although I *try* to avoid that 54 inch behemoth in my living room, some programs are so multi-faceted that they are like a fine gem that catches your eye...

Oh, and I almost always watch poker. That could be my career some day, you know...?

I've Been Lax

2008-01-24T11:00:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted much... or at all. Nor have I made a new comic in a very long time. Nor a new Masscott... I guess the list could keep going.

And that's not about to change. Hobbies come and go, but real life is always there, and always changing.

One interesting thing I saw today:

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
- Anonymous

Do you see the irony? I do.

I killed myself...

2007-12-19T18:25:00.001-06:00

... Two minutes, twenty seconds.

Dreams and Fantasies, Crushed by Reality, Crushed in my Sleep

2007-11-03T21:08:00.001-05:00

Fantasies deteriorate, never to be realized. Dreams fade, or twist into nightmares that leave a mark. Reality is twisted, but sleep is a twisted reality.

Promise me potential,
the potential promise is pleasing.
Fleeting fantasies,
then the fantasies flee.
Left alone, only me.

It's been so long, but the feelings don't fade, they just hide. I can only hope they're hiding so far under the surface they can't cause me harm. Of course, how often do *my* hopes come true? This time was no different...

XKCD Strikes Again...

2007-09-14T09:58:00.002-05:00

Another one I found insightful.

Addiction...

2007-09-10T16:37:00.001-05:00

I think I'm addicted to DealExtreme...

Some things I purchased or considered purchasing:

http://www.dealextreme.com/details.dx/sku.61
http://www.dealextreme.com/details.dx/sku.1101
http://www.dealextreme.com/details.dx/sku.774
http://www.dealextreme.com/details.dx/sku.4248
http://www.dealextreme.com/details.dx/sku.3414

I may explain more later. Those little magnets are cool though. And I always wanted laser pointers...

XKCD sings to me...

2007-09-10T08:05:00.001-05:00

The comic found here is too true...

And now I have a formula. I can only date women 22 and older. Good to know.

Here's the comic:

This site is full of wit and wisdom, though, so I recommend a visit regardless.

Money Saved, Where to Now...?

2007-09-01T12:10:00.000-05:00

I repaired my 50-inch TV. I hope Eric leaves me alone about what I do with it now. When I was going to give it to a friend, he threw a fit. When I was going to sell it for a profit, he threw a fit. Well, I just saved myself 200-350$ by repairing it.

Didn't do the best job, but it works. And I'll "guarantee" it for 30 days to whoever I end up selling it to...

And now, I found out I can graduate this semester. But I'm not going to. My opportunities are being enhanced with the time I spend here, and my adviser is also the one I'm doing research with, and he can help me in many ways. I guess I have a mentor.

Glad my performance this summer was so exceptional.

Anyway...

USB Chair

2007-08-23T09:35:00.000-05:00

The world is lacking a USB chair. Think about it. A chair controlled from your computer. It can play music, massage your back, whisper sweet nothings, keep your butt warm, or blow air where you need it most. But I want a super chair. A smart chair. A chair that makes me rush to work and makes me even more loathe to leave.

Wouldn't that boost overall productivity?

It could even read your emails to you, have a headphone jack built-in to the head section.

I've been working out, eating veggies, controlling caloric and fatty intake. Getting more UV rays for vitamin D. Also, research has gone great. The professors do not want to let me go. My future keeps getting more and more shiny, but... do I deserve it?

So. What's been up?

2007-05-02T00:52:00.000-05:00

School has been consuming copious quantities of time. But I have a place to show most of what I've accomplished this semester:

My Student Web Page

I've thought about writing some comics...without the drawings. So I guess it would be comics sans comedy? Or Comics sans ics, but then that just makes them Coms which is taken.

So instead I'll just continue to deprive my two remaining fans. Sorry my loyal ones, I miss you, too.

Hiatus it is

2006-10-17T08:40:00.000-05:00

Yeah, looks like by "possible" I meant "actual." Due to popular request I have posted another comic. School is overwelming, to say the least, and there's so much I need to learn and internalize, so much I need to do, etc... So, back to reality.

Bubbles the Underwater Sea Dragon

2006-08-22T15:41:00.000-05:00

This guy is worth visiting at www.leebullen.com. And this even comes with a story!

Bubbles - Underwater Sea Dragon: The World's Most Ineffective Hunter
Bubbles, an underwater fire breathing sea dragon, the only one of his kind, struggles through life with his ineffective fire breathing abilities.
Catapulted from a volcano's core into the ocean when a baby, Bubbles soon found that being a dragon underwater is somewhat of a cruel twist of nature.
The poor, frustrated soul continually has a dampened spirit as his underwater companions never miss an opportunity to ridicule him and then sit back to watch him cough up warm, black bubbles in his tormented anger!

Albert the Musicfish

2006-08-19T16:26:00.000-05:00

Story may follow. If you think it looks weird, that's probably because I didn't draw any lines.

Ozzy Ostrich

2006-08-15T07:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, I feel bad even giving this a name, since it's not given one on Madamebogg's site. And there's no way I'm going to even attempt a story, since it might detract from the awesomeness. ~~Without further ado......ok, maybe......maybe a little further ado......I like suspense......and attention......hold me!...~~
...err, here's the ostrich, sorry...

Sir John Van Hold the Third

2006-08-12T01:42:00.000-05:00

I hope there's a story to follow. This was contributed by Sahar.

Hmmm.

2006-08-10T22:23:00.000-05:00

I need something to post here. However, since the creative sludge in my mind hasn't shifted recently, I'm going to have to hunt something down tomorrow. But I'll try to get something up for my one or two fans tomorrow evening.

Pointy Hands

2006-08-08T02:06:00.000-05:00

This image comes from this post. I think it's great, and I wish I could create visuals like this so easily, you'd see a lot more posts here. If you like mutant kittens, and who doesn't, check her out here! I might make my own take on the back-story, if there's any request for it. Otherwise, enjoy the show!

Steve Tuttleman

2006-08-03T07:38:00.000-05:00

This sonofabitch is a game programer at a small video game developer. He's a wiz with code n' shit, but is socially retarded and doesn't realize it, or doesn't appear to realize it. He's an insecure guy in his everyday life, but when's he's at work he's the alpha geek. Steve is very good at what he does and loves being a condescending dickhead to those who work with him. He reads D&D books and "Hard Sci/Fi". He publicly dismisses the Harry Potter books, as "mildly interesting for kids" but internaly dreams of going to Hogwarts someday. I hope that someday Steve will touch a woman's breast. As anoying and creepy as Steve can be he's really just a sad guy who needs boobs in the face. [Original Steve Post]

This was created by Colin Fix. He's got amazing talent and knows how to use it. I suggest you check his blog out! His wife's got skills, too!

Melvin the Mongrel

2006-07-31T13:09:00.000-05:00

This is still in progress. I just wanted to post before work, since it's nearly completed.

Why wouldn't he be smiling? He's twelve and has a kickass beard. Oh, and that's how his hair looks when he wakes up in the morning. He gets hit on by high school juniors all the time. And he's the star player on his youth tackle football team. He threw a 30 yard pass to win the championship. The most amazing part was the pass was to himself. Coach said he was just showing off, but they won didn't they?

Life isn't always strip bars and lotto tickets though. He's gone through over a dozen pets. He keeps eating them. It's not his fault they taste better than the green crap his mom puts on his plate. He currently has a lizard, his mom hoped it wouldn't be appetizing, but one of these nights he'll be looking for a quick snack...

Bloodthirsty Cloud

2006-07-24T23:13:00.000-05:00

Here's a brief description of the Bloodthirsty Cloud:

Created in a freak accident by a careless GenChem student, the Bloodthirsty Cloud is one of the more interesting creatures to come out of modern science. Armed with sharp fangs, the Cloud drinks his sustenance in a vampirical fashion, though interestingly enough does not kill his victims, and most recover within a day. Though he cannot speak, he can make a breathy noise that sounds a bit like "cloud", which only other clouds and those closest to him can understand. He spends a good amount of time with his best friend and sidekick, Greg, but still would like a lady-friend to be his companion. Strangely enough, though he is generally nonviolent, most women can't seem to get past the fact that he's a cloud...

Created by the one and only hyper-powered-meerkat, Aarthi. She will be providing a story at some point.

Tic Tac No

2006-07-17T00:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we like the demographic of our neighborhood. It's a give and take. That smelly meth lab moves out and a nice fatherly gentlemen moves in (he liked something about the basement). Well, sometimes we just don't like it when someone moves in who doesn't belong...

(Wondering where I'm going with this?)

(Yeah, me too...)

You know what the socially awkward always say, nervous laughter is better than no laughter...

Substitute Debbie

2006-07-15T12:54:00.000-05:00

[7-16-06]: Debbie doesn't hesitate to smile, but she's got a mean streak. The paddle should have been your first clue. And the yardstick? It ain't for measuring, it's for long distance woopin'. She secretly thinks modern children are all clones of each other, and does whatever she can to slim the herd. She also wishes aliens would come and wipe out humanity, because she doesn't just see the future...she teaches it.

She's also sextalingual, because that's obviously the sexiest number of languages to speak.So. I was inspired again. This is something I spent many, many minutes on. It might possibly be one of my best works.

[3:23--Yardstick, nickname, brooch coloring]

norex

2006-07-14T20:32:00.000-05:00

Alright, another piece of art from a skilled individual. This comes generously from the collection of lastlifeinmyuniverse.

Last Journal of norex:
"Beauty is deeper than the skin. The farther we go from the fulsome fleshy figures we are cursed with, the more we approach true beauty. The spirit waits under the malformed bodies of us all. It waits for its release. Diet can get you a short distance. Dehydration can get you further. As I approach my goal, I hope I can make it. If I cease before the end, it is failure. If I cease at the end, it is ultimate success. There is more to shed... this blood I won't be needing anymore. With my final cradle formed, and the waste clinging to my soul being drained away, freedom and perfection approach. At the end it requires no effort, I am too close for it to escape. I am a wondrous creature of unlimited beauty. But there's no room for me in your reality. My success frightens you. The beauty too much for your mind to handle, so it rebels and causes you to interpret me as a disgusting loathsome thing. You're wrong, I've shed my cocoon, it provided no solace for me, I've seen through my own illusions. In my last moments, I'm already an angel."

If you do not like the story, do not blame the artist. I wrote it.

If you like the story, credit the artist. She inspired me.

Zombrella

2006-07-11T17:26:00.000-05:00

Finally, a Masscot from someone with actual talent! The art belongs to Madamebogg, feel free to check out her Blog, she likes the visitors. And this picture is no representation of the material presented there, it's usually less grim.

The creation of a scientific mortician. He wanted a child, but never had a better half to make it happen. So he made one, and through sheer desire, and probably more than enough insanity, his creation 'lives'. His daughter, not wanting him to feel different from her, decided to help him get the wonderful lines and stitches she had by chopping him up. Unfortunately she wasn't able to put him back together like he put her together, and he never moved after that day. She's not really happy about that. And there's no cricket hopping around telling her what to do next...

[Update]:I think I perhaps misnamed her initially. I think Madamebogg wanted her named Zombrella.

Selenderia

2006-07-06T21:51:00.000-05:00

Now for one a little different...

She was not a wolf of her own species. She saw the world on a different level. Not everything was about mating, eating, and sleeping. The beauty in nature was unsurpassed, but none of her kind seemed to appreciate it. She was a wolf with a misplaced spirit. She felt, but had no way of knowing, that their race were more respected once, and even treated as equals for hundreds of years. Now they are considered pests and scavengers. She even named herself Selenderia.

Respect the wolves.

Jeaneric

2006-06-20T08:07:00.000-05:00

Umbralbunny

2006-06-17T05:47:00.000-05:00

~~I'd post a story, but I'm not sure one is needed. If I get say...three requests for the story, I'll share it. If not, enjoy the bunny, and he hid some eggs, but I suggest not looking for them.~~

Frugged

2006-06-09T12:39:00.000-05:00

Ahh, a frog's life. Eating bugs, swimming. Must be nice, that is unless your ~~skin flays itself from your body...~~ [7-15-06: Link appears to require a subscription now]

Frugged is one of the frogs being attacked by this fungal plague. However, being a mutant himself, his body mutated the fungus. It's now more virulent, spreading more easily, yet doesn't affect this gloomy green guy. Not being the malicious type, he tries to stay in desolate isolation. Depressed and lonely, partially guilty of leading to the death of all his siblings and friends, he feels his only redemption would be to share this 'gift' with the perverted chicken. If it even exists...

The dazed look is due to low social interaction, you might have seen it on some of the students at a university near you...

What next, any requests?

Your vote still counts!

2006-06-04T00:07:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a vote. I currently have two of my masscots lined up, and possibly will make an image for a third someone else already had a story for. So, since few people read this, those that do should VOTE because I'm almost sure a single vote will sway this 'election'. The choices follow:

1) Bunny
2) Frog [posted on 6/9/06]
3) Cloud (Not mine)
4) Some Generic French Dude (Late Entry, random doodle)

Please use a nickname or real name when responding to this post, don't anonymously say, "Jackass" or something like that. The winner will be posted probably Monday or Tuesday, depending on if I get more than three votes by then.

Carravore

2006-06-01T20:54:00.000-05:00

So, this is an update. I got a new toy today, and this is my first creation. A new Masscot to haunt the dreams of some of my readers...

But first, the story...

Carravore wasn't born too different, if you ignore the fangs, eyes, mouth and scorpion-like tail. Oh, I guess you'd also have to look past his insatiable appetite for vegetarians. He's sensitive to the screams of carrots and does his best to eat at least one vegetarian a week. Unfortunately for him, he only weighs 4.2 ounces. On the other hand, vegetarians are like chinese food, you're hungry again in two hours. The one exception he makes in his diet is evil chickens. Especially his nemesis, the perverted chicken...

Without further ado....

Fugglebee

2006-05-14T17:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, my heart is not entirely in this, but it is far overdue...

Born in a large hollow log, name since forgotten, we'll call him Fugglebee.

His parents, forgotten. His home, forgotten. I guess it's hard to write from the drooling thing's point of view, and there's a reason for that.

Fugglebee was born with a special gift. The gift of forgetting. We sometimes wish we could forget bad things that happen to us.
He can. He has. He does.

His parents were slaughtered by a sport-hunter. He forgot about their death. But he didn't forget where he lived at first. Then when he went back there were too many detached memories, so he decided to forget where he lived, too. And he did. So he wanders.

He has relationships, with what creatures, I am not inclined to write about, since I'm not even sure what he/it is myself. But they end poorly, so he forgets they happened. Through forgetting he is doomed to repeat the same mistakes, and he does. He's a sad little creature, but if you tell him that he'll forget. If you could forget, would you not take advantage of it? Would you live a life of blissful drooling ignorance? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

There is one thing he'll never forget. He hates the perverted chicken. He is one of many nemesi, and would give his pathetic life to end the chicken's. But he forgot how to get to Maplewood, so he wanders...

There, done and done. Send me your mascot and your story, it's bound to be more interesting and cheery than this one.

Damnit...

2006-05-12T17:22:00.000-05:00

So, I unfortunately stumbled upon something that I was lucky enough to miss until now..

Liberation 596

I made out with him last night. And I'll have sex with another on monday. And yet I still tell the other one that I love him.

3 guys. 2 of them just...not f[***] buddies but..something else.
I think that I do it because the one that I think I love isn't here. And while I'm thinking of him all the time, the other 2 are...so I just hook up with them. I don't even want a relationship with them.

This is from http://www.veryliberating.com. I missed the link the first few times I read it. It was in a message that just didn't seem to fit the topics of conversation, I thought, too random. And then I saw it one more time and was curious...

*SIGH* That one seems to fit someone I knew. Only, it can't be them. But I can't help but think, I'm one of the ones with whom a relationship is not desired. She didn't write this, but I hear her voice when I read it. This is not what I needed today. I might have been able to go all day without many thoughts directed to what I miss, but now...

It's time to read...To immerse myself in something that isn't a part of my true existence. Farewell, treasured readers.

I Wanna Eat It!!!

2006-05-07T22:25:00.000-05:00

The title speaks for itself.

...Fuggle-Wha?

2006-05-02T16:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, my new primary ~~blog~~ outlet is now:

http://umbralkin.livejournal.com

So...:
If you have a livejournal account, great! Let me know so I can give you access beyond the public eye. If you don't... Well, I can't force you to do anything, can I?

I'm thinking of uses for this blog, one idea is to make it a "Misfit Mascot" blog, where people send in weird little pictures of weird little critters, with weird little stories, and I post them for all to see. I might start by giving Fugglebee a story. So, if you want to send in a picture and/or story, send it to harmonichalo at gmail dot com.[That's right, I'm calling that drooling odd-ball Fugglebee]

So I guess you'll all stay tuned for that, eh? Or not, I'm in a rather down mood, so I'm not caring about much and feeling rather sorry for myself...

"Sometimes no quote is better than a bad quote..."

Changes

2006-05-02T13:55:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I guess I cannot weather this change without making a change myself. I will begin using live journal shortly, more details to come. Part of the reason is that I have issues I would like to share, but not with the whole world.

To New Endings

2006-05-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

Even if you know something will only be brief, it's much easier to enjoy it not looking forward to the ending. But if you're not looking forward, it's also easy to stumble over the abrupt edge...
[Karma was digging a deep hole.]
"To be honest, what kind of relationship could we have had."

True. I need to hold onto this little grain of sand and turn it into a personal pearl, I need to remember this in the future.
The elements respawned their fury upon your departure. Hope your walk home wasn't too miserable.

So, I hope this change doesn't once again cause a burst of useless creativity to come issuing forth from me. I have better things to do, and you obviously have better things to read.
[I noticed she read less, big clue.]
I feel like I really really need someone to talk to... but the person I have always turned to for the last month and a half is the person I cannot talk to anymore. So, I'll bottle it up. I hope it's not volatile, this could be dangerous...
*clink, clink, boom....*

Chemic Automaton

2006-05-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

I should make this brief. I have multiple grams of substance sharing my veins. The chemicals flowing through my system are making me think I'm better, I feel calmly confident, even. So I should use this slight burst of productivity to get my ESE230 done. Due midnight...

I have secrets I don't tell anyone. I have even more secrets I don't even tell myself...If you couldn't tell, http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ has new updates.

On a side note, it's time for some vague ambiguous ranting:
[Removed]

So, I'm a little confused right now. And it's not due to my persistent illness, pressing need to study, desire to work on my chat program, or the unusual content of my bloodstream. I'm confused because of a distinct change. That's what the removed block was actually in reference to. A change in someone else... So, I'm going to cease writing now. I was going to share a picture, but it is not letting me upload it.

“If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.” ~ Anonymous

My programming lends itself well to my masochism...

Bleh

2006-04-30T14:42:00.000-05:00

It can be hard getting a program to work on all platforms, considering I do not even know where to find the error messages I'm generating.
[LL never called me back]
Still ill.
[It's not like her]
ALA meeting at 3:00.
[Perhaps I'm overanalyzing...]
Ta-ta for now.

Expel the Unwell

2006-04-27T09:13:00.000-05:00

If I was chronologically misplaced, say 150 years, I think they might have quarantined me by now. But, lucky you, I'm open to the public to continue the spread of this wretched cold. Oh, by the way, not better yet.
[Muahaha!]€
[Eating: Protein Bar]
[Drinking: Water with a touch of lemon]
[Music: Garbage--"Sleep Together"]
[Eat me! Wait, that's directed to one person...]€
Not much important to share. I have work to do. I have important things to get done asap that I keep forgetting to do. Basically the "yep, still part of society" stuff we're all experiencint...
*sigh* hermitude...
[Let's be hermits!]€
CS News: Yay! I made a chat program. It's amazing the strange level of satisfaction that brings.
[Erand Girl, or Lady Leprechaun, hmmm..]€
Obligatory quote:
"The mind is not a hermit's cell, but a place of hospitality and intercourse."
--Charles Horton Cooley
[Only reason I like that quote:]€
Hehe, he said intercourse...

Ewww, Green

2006-04-26T08:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I didn't get a whole lot better after a decent night's rest. I'm going to keep this brief, and it will be my only post today. Have a lot to do so I must manage my energy appropriately.
[Energy conservation...]€
Have I thanked my readers for reading lately? Thanks!
[Thankyouthankyouthankyou.]€
So, WILD is this weekend, what's the plan? ~~Anyone actually like beer and want me to pick up an extra~~ ... wait a minute, I'm not sure you guys are 21...
[Especially not LL!]€
Ok everyone, have a great day, enjoy the sun, and be sure to look two posts back for Kay's pet.

If you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

Give Me Unction, Improve My Function

2006-04-25T09:20:00.000-05:00

So, over the weekend, I hung out with some sick people. But I figured, "I don't get sick very often, I'll be fine." The next day I had a slightly sore throat. So I joked, "Yeah, I got what they had, but now I'm recovering." Well... I awoke this morning to some unpleasantness. Sore in a few places, congested and a scratchy throat. Don't mock the sick, they have biological weapons. I was wondering if monster is some kind of panacea, and was tempted to imbibe. However, I have decided against it. I think I'm going to aim for about 8-10 hours of sleep this evening. Much to the detriment of impending problem sets and computer labs.
[Maybe what LL had finally caught up with me?]€
So, I guess karma doesn't adore me as much as I thought. Perhaps there is someone I have unintentionally wronged recently, I should be more observant.
[By taking a roundabout path?]€
But fret not, I ate a protein bar and drank water for breakfast, so I have 100% of my daily C.
[Vitamin C, that is.]€
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." Bill Cosby
[I guess I ain't so wise...]€
[Oh, and if you're looking for the ... unidentifiable creature, it's in the previous post. ]

It Was 'Nice' Knowing You...

2006-04-24T19:24:00.000-05:00

Hmm, I feel the need to post, but not the inspiration to post anything interesting. So, without further ado...
[Here comes the green..]€
To do:
Sign up for KWUR demo taping
CSE132 Due Wednesday
PHY118 Due Thursday
ESE317 Due Friday
ESE230 Due (next) Monday
Yay for tuesdays?
[Gotta love tha DJ_Kumkwat, Holla!]€
Saw someone I did not expect to see. But only from the back. They seemed pretty focused on their work, and I had little desire to attract their attention [for a change].
[Eating: Indulgence trail mix.]
I'd post a link to that stuff, but when I did a search it was two blogs with annoying background music.
[Listening to: Frogpond "World Crash"]
Drowning out the sounds of whispers, yet still distracted by all the commotion. However, since I have nothing incredibly pressing, I thought I would try to do a little work here. Perhaps see a person or two that I usually only see on the weekends.
[Read: Alex or Kay.]€
I really wish I could come up with something thought provoking. But the only reason why my body is moving at the moment is probably due to the monster I drank earlier. I didn't sleep until around 4:00 last night. [No regrets.]
[Hehe, of course no regrets!]€
I could try to talk about my dimensional theories in physics, but I'm not sure there's a lot of request for that. So instead, this goes out to you, Kay.

The pink background was unintentional, but I guess it works.

In other news, I went to check to see if I could notify my most cherished readers of a fresh Sbemail. (www.homestarrunner.com) And no, there is not a new email, however there is a new game. So I went to check it out, since I'm in quite the procrastinating mood. And much to my pleasant surprise, the game says something that sounds oddly familiar...
"I don't understand you. I cannot understand you. I don't understand the things you say. I can't understand a single word" [Yep, green for a reason...]€
I don't expect many people to appreciate the reference, so I'll clear up the confusion. Homestarrunner.com referenced They Might Be Giants lyrics! Yes, this thrills me immensely, and I hope you can appreciate the excellence of this situation. Moving on...
"Take time to express your creativity."--I guess I listened to my planner today. Now, to see if I can get a little real work done...

[I haven't eaten yet.]€

News Bites

2006-04-23T13:04:00.000-05:00

A few quick random bites of my life:
[(bite!)]
Went to city museum to help a friend celebrate her birthday. For those who do not know, it's like a big jungle gym with a lot of slides, metal tunnels, and just random abstractions. It's like a giant piece of convoluted art that you can wander through. The ball pit, one of my personal favorites, was a test in reflexes. At first I only prodded those accompanying me into war, but when the entire side joined in, I began to get overwhelmed. Throughout the experience, random groping was shared by all. It was very entertaining, even with the physical risks involved. [A few people sustained minor injuries, though not due to groping]
[Mmm, groping...]
Went to a few talks by a former UN weapons inspector. Was very informative and enlightening. Some of the stories he told seemed like scenes out of a good movie.
[ =^.^= ]
Thurtene. A carnival held by student groups. Lots of little booths, big scenes, a few rides, and a few plays. Sat in one play that was...interesting. Lots to see, and it brings back pleasant little memories of my distant youth. One of the coolest things to see was 'Super Barbeque Brothers'. Although the name was rather silly, the scenery and ambience were delightful [at least to me]. It really brought back memories of hours/days in front of a nintendo playing various versions of Super Mario Brothers.
[And I rubbed a princess' face!]
Bad news:
I think I am going to have to decline LeaderShape, which means they will keep my deposit.

I will also not be returning home for the summer.
[And I will be alone this summer...]
Good news:
I think I will be accepting the job as a summer conference assistant.

My aesthetician approved my project. I can now go forth next semester and tape many packages of gum to my wall as a form of artistic impression. It was originally veto'ed due to miscommunication, but that has since been cleared up.
[yay! gum+wall=art!!]
I will not be mooching off of my family this summer.

Various:
I have mostly stopped reading a particular blog, much to the surprise of some of my more interesting friends. I also heard mention of an individual I have not spoken to recently. One of the times due to my own intentional prodding. The other time due to intentional prodding, but that was not the information I was expecting.

So... time is short...
[And so are you, teehee!]
I should get to studying, I have no idea what this evening will bring.
[Do you?]
This quote reminds me of a friend:
“My significant other right now is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personality disorder and self-obsession.”
Joaquin Phoenix

The following is only a test:

Can You Say...Quandry?

2006-04-21T14:12:00.000-05:00

I hope not, since quandry isn't a word. But if you can say quandary, then that's a bit more appropriate. Anyway, so I signed up for LeaderShape, was refused. I sat on the wait list for a bit, then went to pick up my deposit. Was told to wait a bit longer, and then found out I was accepted off the wait list. Probably because of my tenacity and connections. I later decided to apply for a summer conference assistant job, because it covers housing, is on campus, and allows 20 hours a week. That would mean I get to take chemistry over the summer, freeing up valuable course time for classes more important to my major. However, it overlaps with LeaderShape. I did not think it would be a big deal, considering it's only a three day overlap, and the summer job is the full three months. However... the summer job does the training during that time, so apparently it is important, at least to them. But that's ok, since I wasn't going to get the job.
[Pessimism at its best!]
Here's why:
Rushed day, wanted to eat, like the garlic chicken.
Garlic chicken becomes lunch.
Rushed for time, so have to rush from place to place.
Garlic chicken was somewhat spicy.
I realize that perhaps garlic chicken isn't the best thing to eat before an interview.
Too late.
I pop some gum.
Not sure the gum helps.
Still rushing, I head to the interview.
So...Interview time.
They sit at an akward angle, I have to crane my neck to see either of them.
I probably smell like garlic.
I'm sweating rather profusely.
And I never took out my gum.
Add it up,
gum+garlic+sweat=bad interview?
I call my friend who lives in St. Louis, letting him know.
I've still got a place to say, even if it is off campus.
[So it all works out?]
But that's ok, at least the LeaderShape thing will go smoothly, and so many cool people are gonna be there, some of my favorites! (Errand Girl, Veggie Girl, Flamingo, Grins, Slim, Lee... and a bunch of random enthusiastic bubbly freshmen.) So, things will work out, the situation was decided for me. However...
[Ready?]
Hello Greg,
It is my pleasure to offer you a position working for Summer Conferences. If you choose to accept this position, please respond back by Monday, April 24. Remember, you must be able to start work Sunday, May 14th. If you have any questions, please don't hesistate to ask.
Thank you,
Chris
[Can you believe this???]
So, they must like gum garlic and ... sweat? Now, I have to choose one or the other. If I choose the summer conference, I miss out on LeaderShape and lose my 100$ deposit. If I choose LeaderShape, I miss out on this job, yet will have housing and be pretty busy over the summer, helping me forget some of the harsh reality I've recently been enduring. [Yeah, life is soooo rough when you're not starving, have a roof over your head, and friends you can tell anything to.]
[Like you!]
Hmm, so, I'm going to have to figure this out, feel free to offer insight, if you're reading this, either you got here randomly, or you are someone who's opinion I value. Either way, let me know what you think.

Monster Morning or Morning, Monster

2006-04-21T08:37:00.000-05:00

My can of monster has a warning label. It seems to read:

"Good morning, I love you.
Drink me."
[Mmmm, monster]{euro}
I love you too, monster... I will probably post later, if my breakfast bids me so.

Sometimes when you turn to walk away, it takes you a minute to realize you just spun 360 degrees...(1)

[Tiny hidden message.]

(1) That's 2 Pi radians for all you engineering nerds out there.

The Egret of Regret

2006-04-20T23:07:00.000-05:00

Remind me to write another fable with an egret, so I can rhyme it with regret... [Shh, I'm pretending they are pronounced the same!] So, I do regret posting this, because it means it pushes down my previous post, which was... golden. You should really read it. I mean, even if you have already, I changed something. I swear. I did. Right after I posted this one, I changed that one. I'm not going to post a link to it, since all you have to do is scroll down.
[Bleh!]€
[Listening to: 187 hours of music on random play--
Everything I have marked as 'play count: 0']
[Eating: Combos(1)]
[Sexxy should be the new spelling.]€
So, I really should be finishing my ESE317, especially considering I fairly bombed a test. Well, perhaps that is an understatement. It's more like I was bombed by the test, and then it proceeded to stuff what's left of my ego into an olive and shove it in my... nose. Yeah, nose, Painful. *sigh* Pleasant dreams my lovely readers. I'll post tomorrow, you know I will...
[I don't mean to be so rubbery.]€
But first, a nugget of wisdom:
If at first you don't succeed, try try again... you're giving us all a good laugh.
--Picture me shoving myself through a tire. Yeah, excuse me while I hunt down Justin's camera...

(1) I actually started eating them just so I could write that.

Nobility and Passibility

2006-04-20T15:54:00.000-05:00

Ah-hah! You thought you'd win today. Thought you could say, "He didn't post today, and I checked today, I caught him not posting today, I won!"

To that, I say, 'BZZZZZZZZZZZ' , nope!
[Haha, I got you...]€
Ok, enough foolishness...
[Yeah, right...]€
So, speaking of seriousness... PandaBall! That's right, Pandas and balls, how can you go wrong? There's actually an inside joke that goes along with my theme, but I wouldn't want to bore you...or would I...?
[Errand Gurl, haha!]
So, I sent my errand girl off to fetch my forgotten powercord, and in her maniacal wisdom, she had me hold her 'bag'. Black and pink, Chi Omega. Very feminine. So I sling it over my shoulder and start walking. After a few feet I realize I do not feel quite comfortable carrying it over my shoulder, so I proceed to carry it by the strap. Nope, still seems too feminine. So I grab it by the 'body' of the bag. Hmm, still not good enough. So my last idea is to ball as much of it as I can into my fist and carry it as if it's causing me physical pain. Which, if I was allergic to girls and cooties, it would. Just thought I'd share, even though I have the feeling over half my readers are more than comfortable carrying around pink and black bags.
[What else?]€
Where's Roxy? Where's Jasmine? Where's L'Angel Magnifique? Oh, that's right, I don't go to strip clubs...
[I like it when my back is rubbed...I purr..]€
My planner has a quote, "Think of yourself as your body's best friend, not its enemy." --Awww, that was one fight I was winning...
[And now, a quote from me, fresh squeezed!]€
Sometimes it is nobler to admit defeat and save your opponent some time...
[Post secret = goosebumps]€
And finally, the moment you've been waiting for... Something worthwhile... PostSecret updated!
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Oh yeah, and the interview went poorly, does not look like I'll be getting that summer job. {random insignificant edit}

Sell myself?

2006-04-19T18:39:00.000-05:00

I am worth $2,130,282 on HumanForSale.com
Any buyers?
[Bleh, not even worth the paper I'm written on...]€
[Listening to: Garbage -- Nobody Loves You]
[Eating: My soul, bit by bit...yum.]
[Ignore me, I either get better, or go away.]€

All Hail the Thunder

2006-04-19T08:50:00.000-05:00

So I guess I fell asleep during a huge storm last night. I wish storms would strike more frequently so I could fall asleep easier. Thunderstorms simultaneously relax and excite me. I didn't even wake up when the hail started hitting the window. My roommate gave me the impression that it was quite a feat to be able to sleep through that.
[Still feeling...blah]€
Also, the situation with Facebook is not nearly as dire as I thought it was. I think I can still re-subscribe and have all my friends/groups/etc...
[I'm not sure what my problem is]€
Well, I think I have a lot to do today, but I knew I had to post for my daily reader. I mean, a day without my rambling would be...
...
..
...I guess just a day without my rambling, no big deal.
[Ennui? It's in the dictionary.]€
To each his own, and may each own himself.

Erasure, Part Deux

2006-04-18T17:44:00.000-05:00

Little did I know I was foreshadowing...

So, I use a site called Facebook. For those who don't know (the few lucky among us), it is a website that allows people to keep in touch. Allows friends to inform other friends of what's going on, and allows people to find new associations through similar interests. Oh, and it's a stalker's paradise. After finding out someone's first name and one single bit of information, you can suddenly find out their relationship status, classes they are taking, who you know in common, etc...

I was thinking about putting it on pause over the summer. I figured there must be some kind of feature to allow me to do this. I found what I thought would work, however it worked too well. I am no longer a member of the Facebook community. I actually expect that a person or two may notice, but oh well. The part of this that bothers me the most is... less people will read my blog.
[Waaah =(]
Emotions:
I feel like I'm on the cusp of unpleasantness...
I feel like I'm about to be refused something I really want.
I feel like I'm about to lose something I never had.
I feel like I'm about to give up wanting something that will never be mine.
[Listening to: Emo-Mogwai]
[Eating:...wait, I Want to eat, bye.]

Erasure...

2006-04-18T09:41:00.000-05:00

If a person is the sum total of their experiences, and we try to remove one group of experiences from our minds, do we become a different person? Less of a person? If you live a life without regret, and then taste how sour it is, yet cannot get the taste out of your mouth, what do you use for a rinse? Is being alone a self-fulfilling prophecy? Is that a wish that the universe freely grants to those unsuspecting of what they are really asking for?
[I did tell you.]
Contractor: "My dream is to one day become a regular employee."
Catbert: "My dream is to eat candy and poop emeralds."
Catbert: "The difference is that I'm halfway successful."
[But that does not mean I]
Y'know, it would be fun to remember Catbert's part of this conversation and use it liberally...
[wanted to be right.]
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -- Buddha
[Enjoy your day.]
I didn't feel like making up anything original today...

Green and Blue

2006-04-17T12:20:00.000-05:00

As he ponders his future, he still finds the time to enjoy the sun on his back and the wind across his skin. He may be a little green frog, but sometimes he feels pretty blue. As he wanders through a field he has wandered through countless times before, he almost stumbles into a deep hole.
"When did this get here?" he wonders aloud.
"Leave me alone..." answers a voice from the pit.
"Hmm, what's this then?" the frog says as he peers into the hole.
At the bottom is a small blue lizard. The frog's first instinct is to help, so he runs over to a nearby tree and grabs a vine. Throwing it in he shouts down the hole,
"Grab onto this, and I'll pull you out."
The lizard doesn't even look up, and repeats,
"Leave me alone..."
"Hmm, are you weak? Is that not good enough?"
The frog thinks perhaps this is not good enough, and proceeds to collect more sticks and vines to build a ladder. Although it takes a while, and he suffers a few small injuries, he figures it should be sufficient to help the little blue lizard out of the pit. Grunting and struggling he drags the newly built ladder over to the pit.
"Look out down there, I'm dropping a ladder in!"
"Leave me alone..."
The ladder lands with a soft 'whump' and settles in firmly.
"Is this good, can you get out?"
This time the strange little lizard doesn't even reply.
"Hmmm, what else can I do for you?"
"Leave me alone..."
The frog reflects for a moment and, remembering that lizards float, comes up with his next plan.
Although it takes days, he gradually diverts some of the nearby stream toward the hole. He injures himself multiple times, and expends a lot of energy. Even through all the hardship, he feels a sense of satisfaction that he is helping.
"I'm almost ready to fill the hole with water, all you have to do is float to the top."
"Leave me alone..." is the only reply.
After the last bit of dirt is removed from the trench, the water begins flowing freely. The trench widens and the frog smiles in satisfaction. This will save the lizard for sure!
As the frog quickly hops back to the hole, what he sees shocks him. The lizard is not floating! Peering as hard as he can, he sees that the lizard is clinging to the bottom of the ladder, underneath the water.
"Nonono! Float! Climb! Do something, don't stay there, you can't hold your breath that long!"
Of course, this time the lizard doesn't reply. In a panic the frog tries to bury the trench to stop the water. To no avail, the water has widened the trench past the point of damming it up. Besides, he's a frog, not a beaver. He grimaces in agony as he collapses by the side of the rapidly filling pit. Panting and exhausted, all he can do is watch as the pit completely fills with water while the lizard remains at the bottom.
[Any of this sound familiar?]
Sometimes we may do more harm than good by so willingly committing our resources to someone who has no desire to be helped.

Story from the South

2006-04-14T14:20:00.000-05:00

I've been remiss in posting about my spring break...
[Just in case you expect this.]
Once again she is under the overpass. Cart overburdened, exposed to the elements, aimless yet unwavering... I request that the driver stop, and she obliges. I run over to the homeless woman to share my 'bounty' received upon departure, two bags of Ruffles. I jog up to where she is standing, overloaded cart and all. Although I smell urine, I make no judgments. Besides, I don't smell winter-fresh myself. I offer her aforementioned chips... No response. I gently place them on her brimming cart, as if they were straw to a camel.
"Don't put nothin' on my bag!!"
I remove the chips hastily and pause, waiting to be informed as to the best location of the burdensome chips. Once more, no response. I place them at my feet and prepare to leave...
"Don't put nothin' here I don't want!!!" she snaps.
Once again, I oblige. I depart as promptly as I arrived, chips in tow...
[Hmm, short and to the point.]
It wasn't charity, it was excess. I wasn't plying for any favor, I was giving something of little need to me to someone else. I had no intention of chipping away at someone's already depreciated pride...

Warm Flashes

2006-04-14T08:35:00.000-05:00

It's too warm to be just called warm. It's not really hot enough to be called hot. I guess you could say I'm caught in a conundrum of insignificant proportions. Physics felt like it was 97 but it was probably really only 90ish. The AC broke, sad times, free-flowing sweat, unpleasantness...
[Eating: Matzo (ball) Soup]
[Listening to: Toothpaste 2000]
So, I cannot think of any place to hide from the warmth, I guess I must tolerate sweating. Not sure how I'm going to handle it when the real summer gets here, unless I adapt quickly. It's not like I will be able to avoid people (trust me, I thought of that first.)

To Do:
Begin registration process for Forest Park
~~Avoid rambling~~
Make plans for show :

DJ Name (Kumkwat, Thinline, Captain Peroxide, Rabid Koala, Funkapottamus, ________ [write in])
Show Name (Mismatched Pears, Sopoforia, Dream Induction, Hour of Sour, Spoof Opera, Liquid Tuna Shack, ________ [write in])
Remember, it'll go like, "Hi, I'm DJ (name), and you're listening to (show)!"
So, would you like hearing, "Hi, I'm DJ Rabid Koala, and you're listening to the Liquid Tuna Shack!"

Stop by SHS
Attempt to finish CSE Lab, Physics Lab, 317 HW
[Hang out with someone special...]

[Posted Earlier Today:]
I have -15 minutes to post. (I have a chapter and a half to read in physics, and only 22 minutes or less to read it). But I thought there were some vital things for me to share.
[This is something new, and]
I'm not wearing socks or shoes. I think what I'm wearing are called 'slides'. That means I did, in fact, trim my toenails this morning. It also means my feet will get sun for the first time in...Months, to say the least...
[I am mostly posting this for you]
[Eating: Poptarts]
[Listening to: Frogpond]

I'll feed my reader more later...

Seek and Ye Shall Find

2006-04-13T18:45:00.000-05:00

I'm on google! I know it's not really a big deal, but it's news to me. I just haven't found two words that will retrieve my site in the first few results. Well, not without using names. For instance, if I search "umbral aarthi" it shows me as the third result. Anyway, nothing important to say. This is a big weekend for some, and a mild weekend for others, hope everyone gets what they want.

I am the only result under umbralkin though...

To Should or Not To Should

2006-04-13T09:14:00.000-05:00

Why do I take such merciless glee in butchering this language? Linguistic rules? Bleh, who needs constraints.

Mmmm, pop tarts, breakfast of champions. Or breakfast of those-who-forgot-to-get-milk-yesterday. So now I sit and snack on my condensed sugar and sip my 'milk chug'. And ponder...

So, the quasi-obligatory lyric of the moment:
"Maybe now
We don't fit together
But you've got your arms around
No one but strangers

[Chorus:]
I feel fine with the sun in my eyes
The wind in my hair
When I'm falling out of this sky
I'm doing better than I thought I would
But nothing's ever as good
As when you're on top"
"When you're on top"-Wallflowers
[Hi there!]
To do today:
Physics Homework
Computer Lab
Avoid Posting to Blog
Avoid Distraction
Cheer Up
[Have a good day!]
And look who it is, our special guest...
Aarthi:
[Ahhhhh! Aarthi!!]
"Ahh, I've gotten the wrong muffin top... I'm deciding if I should change it in for the one I like, or just eat it. What do you think?"
"eat it"
"This is not bad, I've never had it before. It's like carrot and raisin."
[Thrilling, eh?]
Enough of that excitement.

I know I had something intelligent to say, but I fear I've lost it. Perhaps later after I have finished physics homework. I can still force something senseless out:
People with bubbly personalities sometimes give me indigestion.

[Addendum]
"I could have guessed"
"Yeah, considering you had the range of 25 to 35 and wanted 20 guesses..."

Moving On!

2006-04-11T09:32:00.000-05:00

Eighty by the weekend! Dad let me know it was rainy and cold in Oregon. I know, shocks me too! So, shorts. It's nice seeing them on others, I apologize for feeling the need to wear them too, hehe. I've been rather manic lately. And by 'rather' I mean rather intensely. To those who care about me, I apologize. Of course, I haven't told most people who care about this... outlet. But things are better, things are getting resolved. I feel I have...time today. I haven't felt like I've had time in a while. But I do... I have time to finish what I have to. Study for ESE230. Set up Maple for ESE317. I may even have time to tend to a deep cut or two that I've recieved recently. (Ask me about the broken fishbowl...ouch) Of course, some of the wounds can't be tended to with a band-aid and a little neosporin. But I've got someone to help me with those. At least for a little while, they've got other plans eventually.

Something interesting:
"Imagine that when you see a city's skyline, you taste blackberries. Or maybe when you hear a violin, you feel a tickle on your left knee. Perhaps you are completely convinced that Wednesdays are light red. If you have experiences like these, you might have synesthesia."

Is it silly to want that? I want to taste a memory when I see someone. Taste the sushi we shared. Or taste the edible body paint (The good flavor, not the gross one). Or even feel a rush of warmth when she smiles that knowing smile I'm starting to know myself.
[Thank you for not leaving so easily.]
Someone recently said something that was hard for me to not find endearing;
[Paraphrased]
"I'm glad they're not there, or I'd get myself hurt trying to hurt them..."
Hehe, gave me images of a puppy fighting a burglar. My little helpless defender. Kawaii!
[Things are getting better.]
So, I sincerely feel a decent cheer building, and amazingly, I haven't even sipped my monster yet. But it seems to smile at me invitingly, and I have ESE317 in about 13 minutes.
[I'd feel more cheer if my sick friend would get better!]
Another reason for my good mood: something I have had difficulty resolving recently has possibly resolved itself. Maybe not the way it could have turned out, but maybe the way it should have. And close to the way I thought it would from the beginning. (Sorry so vague, to some this must seem a waste of text!)
[In my head this is what is said:]
Listen to this:
" (Girl) You've got a lure I can't deny
But you've had your chance,
So say goodbye.
Say goodbye."
Aww yeah, that's the Postal Service baby!! Hear it? I hear it...

May your dreams be pleasant, in sleep or otherwise.

Make it Quick!

2006-04-10T08:53:00.000-05:00

I'll possibly post a picture later. It's like a teddy bear, only a bit more disturbing to some. I have to remove the blue notebook lines before I can post it. And I'll be dedicating it to someone (Someone who's roots are showing, like me!).

Notes to Self:
Smile more
Take things way less seriously
Enjoy the sun
Don't fear eye contact
Don't spend time fretting over work to do, do it

So, things are better today, at least so far. They're usually slightly worse during ESE317.
I'll post later.
[By the way, I do not believe I properly thanked you for your support. Remind me to later, I'd hate to forget.]

So Much to Say

2006-04-09T14:32:00.000-05:00

...luckily I've found a willing ear. I make every attempt to keep this site light and upbeat. Something that I would like to share has happened recently, but it is deeply umbral, so I will pass on sharing that. Onto more positive notes...

Lodging
I'm still very much looking forward to my housing arrangements next semester. The more I hang out with the Carpe Diem Society, the more I see how much fun and entertainment is in store for the future. And I'll have a single. A nicely sized one.

Summer
Things are bright outside. The sun shines as if attempting to cheer me up. It might be working, gradually. As well as someone I hang out with that has a sunny disposition. I might be able to stay on campus as well as take a class at my other school (Forest Park). Will be busy, but most of my friends are leaving anyway.

Picnic
Oh, and I went to Forest Park for a picnic with some friends, good food, nice scenery, overall a very pleasant experience. I was able to forget so many frustrations and enjoy just being there.

This would be more interesting if I vented, but I think I should hold off for a bit, until I stabalize. [Can't forget this...Hope you like my quote!]
So, this quote may be a bit dour, but consider it a hint:
"I'm not seeking the suffering you're offering, so peddle your disaster elsewhere..."

Guess What Time it Was?

2006-04-08T17:53:00.000-05:00

Oh, been meaning to post this.

So it was 01:02:03 04-05-06, neat huh? Credit goes out to Rachel, I would have worked right through it.

I've also been meaning to post a picture of the 'perverted chicken' but one has not been forthcoming. If I do not recieve an official copy soon, I may have to provide my own rendition...

Puzzle Me This

2006-04-08T16:09:00.000-05:00

So...time to post... Not sure how much I can/should divulge... How general/specific I should make it. I mean, I enjoy sharing, and if you are reading this, you deserve to know every little detail. But perhaps you know...
*It feels so nice not to sleep alone.*
I recommend reading the update to post-secret, some of them really made my eyes water. It's funny that secrets other people tell anonymously can apply so strongly to me.
*Yet why do some deny themselves*
So, I feel the above link and notification alone make this post worth reading. Phew, what a burden that relieves. I could attempt to empty what's in my head onto the page, but if I can't understand what I'm thinking, I have no expectations that anyone else will either. And I'm afraid the misunderstandings might cause excess confusion. Wow, this is not coming out clearly at all, I can't even 'not post' successfully today.
*The benefit?*
So... I have friends. I appreciate that. They have nuances that make them interesting and individual. They have opinions they are willing to share. They have character that they choose not to hide. I thank them.

I'm going to Eric's this evening for dinner. He's going to make shrimp diablo. One of my favorite meals. It's a red sauce, linguini noodles, shrimp, and a good amount of spice. Mmmm, shrimp. Like a friend once said, they probably wanted to die anyway, and why waste the bodies? Of course, I think she was rationalizing something, so perhaps I missed the point.

I've heard rumors that someone is under the impression they are practically dating someone else. But then that someone else is a person I find [understatement] intriguing[/understatement]. So at this point, I'm not sure what to think. The person of interest says one thing, but then I have strong doubts. And I do know someone who I spend a good portion of time with who actually makes the effort to hang out with me. It's so nice to know when someone actually enjoys your company, as I've said before. It's one thing to make it clear when you are sharing the same space with someone. But when you feel invisible outside that bubble of proximity, it makes you doubt you even belong there, no matter what is done or said inside. Maybe I have issues with understanding my own reality.
[Not all edible finger paints should be considered edible...]
The above paragraph helps me realize why some people use fake names. But then I think if I used them they would either be obvious, someone else's, or just annoying to the reader. I guess I could say 'Person A'. But then when 'Person A' figures out who they are, they might be insulted that they weren't 'Person 1'. And I do not mind using colors so much, but then there's the above issue, in addition to issue of limited palette.
[Call me...]
I love playing with metaphors, they don't have that strange play-doh smell...

Trying to think of something to end this post is proving difficult...
Out of need springs desire, and out of desire springs the energy and the will to win.
--Denis Waitley
(I usually paint my desires in such a negative light...they seem so selfish...)

Sleep Deprivation, the Cheapest Drug?

2006-04-07T12:29:00.000-05:00

DISCLAIM: Super long post, stream of consciousness/lack of sleep style. If you think it should be green, tell me and I'll paint it so [someone wanted it green...]. It only takes one comment ;-)

So, if you read my blog, first off, thanks. Also, you may know that I have problems dealing with my irrational thoughts on a rational level, by definition. Oh, and by the way, I have not slept yet. I plan on it. When my brain and body suffer simultaneous temporary failure. Any time now...
...
...
Anyway.
Where was I.
Oh yeah, so irrationality.
Why can't I just realize how pointless desire is? By definition it is wanting something you do not have, but when you have it, you can't really desire it. At least not at the moment of achievement. But it rebuilds, and desire grows again. Desire and addiction are siblings in the house of my inanity. (Yes, I figured inanity was a more light-hearted word than insanity...) So I decided I could fight my desire for certain things. But irrationality can whisper, silently, relentlessly, till I wonder why I was avoiding said objects. Well, I do not think I am addicted to monster, I just really appreciate it. Besides, it has vitamins. And my real desires tend to be for less monetarily achievable aims.

Someone once asked me if they could buy me something, what would I want. It's funny how I can be stumped by simple questions, yet can make up answers to subjects I know nothing about. Then they asked me if I wanted them to decide for me. I chuckled. They didn't. I pondered. I do not think my lack of a response was due to indecision, it was simply due to a lack of desire. I have food, water, bed (even if I don't use it as much as I'd like, if you know what I mean). I enjoy having things, but I do not feel the need for them, and I do not generally feel want for something I no longer have. However, the desire of company, it drives deep into me. Touches me physically, emotionally, mentally, and...dare I say...spiritually. Yet when I continually experience the mutual sharing of company, I begin suffering from a plague of self-doubt. It's hard for me to understand why they like me. I may begin to avoid them, intentionally or unintentionally... Not because I feel any negative feelings toward them... I think it's a deeper issue than I'm aware of.
*Hops on the couch*
So, I guess it started in school, I was always different, if I let my intelligence flow freely, people made fun of me. If I kept to myself, people made fun of me. If I tried to act childish like them, I felt silly. So I decided to just keep to myself, knowing they'd tire. And in junior high, kids being cruel, some things were said that left a very long term impact.
*Gets more comfortable*
I didn't have any substantial relationships in my 'school daze'... In retrospect, I probably had two-three great opportunities, but as reasonably smart as I was, I was naive. I probably also disbelieved the signs. I mean, if a girl was staring at me, it might have been because my hair was messed up. Or she was trying to figure out why my eyes had dark circles. Maybe she was trying to figure out if I was the shy boring type, or the quiet scary type. I did wear all black, after all...
*Stretches out fully*
Then there was my friendship issues. I never really felt like I wanted or needed a lot of friends. I felt that I would have had to have been false to maintain more than a few. I wasn't a social genius by any means. And I remember losing a few friends for strange reasons. One parent said I couldn't come around anymore because I was too polite. Then there was the time I went to the hospital during my then-best-friend's birthday party. He didn't talk to me much after that. My family also seemed to have the habit of moving an average of every four months.
*Idly picks at a couch seam*
So, back to relationships I guess...
Actually...no, I've rambled long enough, there's probably no one left reading...
[Except you...]
If we only have one life to live, you would think it would be our most valuable singular commodity...So why is it so easy to waste?

Doesn't it make you smile when you see someone cute, but you can't get a good look because everytime you glace their way they are looking at you...?

You Rub Off On Me In the Strangest Ways

2006-04-07T08:05:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't skipped a night's sleep in as far as I can remember. But it was not for recreation or false procreation. It was for schoolwork. I refused to allow myself to sleep until it was completed, and it ended up being so early by the time I finished I figured sleep was pointless.
[Listening to: Suede - Electricity]
So, I sit here while my monster bubbles merrily, various music filling my ears... This is going to be an interesting day, I can feel it. Oh, and spring has sprung. The birds are 'singing', the palette of the landscape has grown by about 40 colors in the past few days. The squirrels, like me, are just trying to find a nut...wait, that didn't sound right...
[Tell me a secret...]
Anyway, I have issues I need to resolve later in the day. And I have physics reading right....
now .

Agitation

2006-04-05T17:53:00.000-05:00

[Music: Coheed and Cambria-some album with a long-ass title]

I feel annoyed and grouchy. Probably because my energy has waned, and people are getting on my nerves today. My CSE project was right at the deadline, and was not up to par. The TA's and I were unable to do something that should be extremely simple...and we spent over 40 minutes on it. While I was getting frustrated with that my partner(1), who was working on the next lab (due in a week), kept asking me to do other things. Not that he provided any assistance when I requested it. Then someone in one of my classes tells me I need to chill, because I guess I was comparing answers in a stressed out way? F*&% that... Yeah, I almost swore. And I have homework due for the next two days and not enough time to do it. This isn't helping me get it done, but it is making me feel a little better. There is someone I may end up hanging out with briefly tonight, but I'm convincing myself I do not care either way. Ask me tomorrow how I feel after she ends up forgetting/shrugging it off, and likely not even calling(2). [Clarification: By hanging out, I mean coffee in public.]
*Why am I so pissed?*
On a positive note...
...[ponders]...
I don't have any positive notes right now, so perhaps I can muster a bitter quote:
*Shrug, it's not you*
When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in your eyes, you masochist...

I honestly do thank you for reading...

(1) I have to admit though, he's doing more of the project than I, and the stuff he's done is outstanding.
(2) I also have to admit that I *did* give an ambiguous answer last time we spoke about this evening.

Secret Note

2006-04-02T18:43:00.000-05:00

I feel I missed out on passing notes in school. I wish I could have checked those little boxes, or made my own. I have secrets, but I share them too freely and openly, so are they still secrets? But the secrets I do keep burn for a while at the forefront of my mind, but I keep them to myself, those I know are secrets...

This blog gives me goosebumps:
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Every time I read it I find myself fascinated. It's like packing entire books into a postcard. It's compressed reality... Condensed life... I do not think I'll ever share a secret there, but I respect those who do.

Thanks for reading...
Give of yourself freely, but watch who you give your heart to, they might not know what to do with it.

You may have noticed I changed my style. I am trying to change the way I think, one small modification at a time, extrication from complication, hmmm?

Sunny Day

2006-04-01T13:48:00.000-06:00

I had a lot I wanted to write about, but I should not use too much of my time (or yours), so I'll attempt to make it brief.
[I also feel the need to]
Things are better, but they're not best.
[put in secret messages]
Aarthi is striking terror into the hearts of people everywhere, including a 'random' individual in my physics class.
[because if I don't, I might]
People do not throw away things that have been sitting around for weeks, but will throw away my water bottle (with cold water still in it) after mere minutes.
[be letting someone down =-P]
Time doesn't heal all wounds, but if you stop poking at them, it does a better job.

I am now the proud owner of nine boxes of gum. I plan on using it to decorate one my walls next semester, any artistic individuals want to offer their aesthetics advice?

Thinking about dying my hair again, however it has not yet began its decline.

Did poorly on a physics test.

The sun is shining, I have work to do and actually feel like doing it, although I should do reading work outside on such a pleasant day...
[And now, for the obligatory departing words.]
Until next time,
May the wealth of your knowledge always pay the costs of your decisions.

Girl Scouts Should Take Meal Points...

2006-03-30T15:36:00.000-06:00

So, I find myself in excess of meal points. I have $963.73 when even the most generous plan should have less than $637. I treated them like money throughout the year, and to me, they are. So... my recent squandaries(1) include some monster, protein bars, and large quantities of sugarless/sugarfree gum. I spoke with the manager of the village store, and gave him my next request. Six boxes of orbit gum (three citrus, two cinnamon, one regular), one case of monster (Khaos), and two boxes of protein bars. Grand total: 222$ even. Yeah, it's going to be good to have a single, then I will be in full control of my 'supplies'... As long as I keep my door locked.

To anyone who is not aware of this wonderful concept: meal points are like money, only they cost more than a dollar each, spend at a dollar each, are required purchases, and disappear at the end of the semester if unused. They can also only be used to buy generally overpriced food. Ex: Case of monster with meal points 65$, case of monster at Sam's Club 28$.
[Hidden message: Hi! Thanks for reading!]
Now, if I was able to use my meal points to buy girl scout cookies...I'd need a deadbolt.

Until next time, may all your cookies be made with real girl scouts...

(1)This is not actually a word.

Appreciation and Recognition

2006-03-29T22:25:00.000-06:00

It's good to know someone else is fully aware of your existence. When someone goes out of their way to say hi. When they smile at the sight of you. When you know your presence cheers them up. There's something satisfying in that. You can't help but feel a reciprocal sense of appreciation.

Thank you.

Side Note:
A fresh candle...
The smell of a burnt match...
A campfire in all stages...
A merrily crackling fireplace...
A candle in its last moments...
The embers of desire in her eyes.
Did all cavemen suffer from pyromania? An inexplicable love of the flame that made their food oh so tasty? Yet what attaches me to fire? It was my favorite toy in my youth, I'm lucky I never burnt anything down and only have a scar or two...

Until later, keep your home fires burning...

Late Night or Early Morning

2006-03-29T01:23:00.000-06:00

[And then the talking cat proceeded to...]
[**My phone is making noise....**]
[What the hell, is it time to wake up already?]
[Wait, that's not my alarm, only took four rings to figure that out...]
"Hello...?"
"Hi"
"What's up?"
....[my mind forgets the middle stuff]...
"What are you doing Friday?"
[Man, when is the last time someone actually asked me that...]
"Bathing in a vat of self loathing..."
[What did I just say??]
"What?"
"Bathing in a vat of self loathing..."
[Oh, thought that was what I said... must have sounded better than "nothing" to my still half-sleeping brain...]
...[more omissions]...

My eyes:
I once tried to figure out what color they were, but failed. I call them hazel, since it's a greenish-bluish-brownish color. Some people see green, especially when green is their favorite color.
One person I met saw gray. I hoped it was because they liked the color, and therefore, possibly my eyes, and possibly me. The voice told me it was because gray was boring, and they secretly found me less than interesting. I ignored the voice and tried to be...what's that word...optimistic? Well, actions prove the truth, and I guess the voice was right. But it isn't always...

Yeah, it's a late night, and I'm going back to my dreams, however random they may be...

Thanks for reading.

The 28th of March

2006-03-28T09:45:00.000-06:00

[2:25]
Signed up for a spot at KWUR, I'll be sitting in on "Making out at stoplights" on Thursday from ten 'till midnight. Currently on my playlist: Sigur Ros ["( )" and "Takk..."] followed by The Scofflaws. So far Sigur reminds me of Mogwai with more vocals. I think it's better that I can't understand what they're saying, I can study to it... Now onto ESE230.

[9:55]
Schedule:

10:00-11:00     Class
11:30- 1:00     More Class
 4:30- 5:00     Physics Review (Crow)
 7:00- 8:00     ESE317 Session
 8:00-10:00     Physics Review (Cornerstone).

Also:
Sign up for KWUR sit-in
[ ] CSE132 lab
[ ] ESE230 HW
[ ] ESE317 HW
[ ] Resume

Re-evaluation Time or Reclaim Misspent Focus

2006-03-27T11:23:00.000-06:00

Ok, I've been bad. Bad to myself, and my life. I've been focusing far too much energy in directions where it wasn't wanted or necessary. I've become a scheduling event, a 'side-project' for some. I have gradually skewed my priorities until they are truly self destructive. As of today I must evaluate what is really important and devote most of my time and energy into what matters.

Important:
Sleep
Homework
Studying for Tests
Time Management
Water
Excersice
Proper Diet
Friends Who Seek Me

Not Important:
[bitter] My 'Love Life' [/bitter] (along with all that entails)
This Blog
Checking my email more than once a day
Answering my phone every time it rings (I mean honestly, who does that?)
Anything related to the internet but unrelated to school
People who would forget about me if I left them alone

Blog:
Now, I enjoy sharing, but I should not go here to avoid reality. I spend too much time here, and I think I've been using it to escape when I should have been actually attending to more pressing matters. That will stop. I will still post, and I still appreciate both of my wondrous readers, but I will try to avoid this as much as possible until I believe I am using it in a reasonable fashion. I think the darker side should take a hiatus, it doesn't seem as cathartic as I thought it once was, I can go back to ignoring certain aspects of myself, they've had their share of my focus recently.

Sleep, Diet, Exercise:
I've neglected sleep quite a few times in the last month, and supplemented that with ... unnerving amounts of caffeine (I still luv u monster). Well, that should stop. If I manage my time properly that will not be needed. And the few times I avoided sleep to spend time with someone (those were few and far between), I do not regret. Exercise is a good use of my time, I feel like my body wants to get back into the shape it used to be, and we've all heard about the various benefits of working out and staying in shape.

Friends:
Friendship is a two way street, but some of my friends live on such busy roads, they won't notice one less pedestrian. Ok, so maybe that metaphor is a little weak, but you know how much I love tormenting my native language. There are friends who actually do think about me, some new, some newer. I appreciate them and look forward to future correspondence. They make me feel worthwhile, and I hope they know how appreciated they are. Some new friends I have made a poor impression on, and we are destined to remain acquaintances. Oh well, such is life.

Internet:
I have been using it all too frequently to waste time that I should be using more efficiently. I will do my best to avoid checking on every aspect of my online world at every opportunity. And some aspects I am going to cut out of my routine. (Not Strongbad, of course!) Bad habits are bad habits, no matter how compulsive the desire may be. (This includes compulsive email/facebook checking. Cell Phone will be the best way to reach me. If you got here through facebook, and are reading this, you have permission to call if you have something to say...)

Also:
I should attempt to be less vain, yet more self confident. Not sure how, but I think I've been able to simultaneously lack self confidence, yet feel a good portion of vanity. Strange... (As for 'love life' yeah, it's definitely defunct, defective, and deleterious, but I'm almost positive not a single person wants to hear about any aspect of this topic, so I'll move on....)

Why do I post this? I feel like if I tell people, they may notice if I sway from my course of action and possibly prod me back in the right direction. That and some people may actually wonder about my change of behavior. This is a place, should they happen to check, where they can see somewhat of an explanation.

I didn't mean for this to seem so Jerry Maguire-esque, honest. It's not some sort of epiphany, it's more like a frustrating finale. I need to grow up, really...

[Listening to: The Beautiful South-- Don't Marry Her (interesting, to say the least)]

Was That my Phone? or No Rest for the Witted

2006-03-24T12:29:00.000-06:00

[Secret message: You are awesome!!]
I'm experiencing a dull buzzing, and it's not my cell phone. Think I'll drown it out with music. Sublime anyone? No pressing matters, but a lot impending on the horizon. I could use an 8-10 hour nap, but instead I will evade sleep as long as possible. Was going to hang out with a friend this evening, but I have a feeling that will fall through. Maybe I should wander the Loop... I need some unwinding before tomorrow's grinding.

In an attempt to save this topic from getting greened'ed(1), I'm going to share something, call it a test. If you haven't seen it before, it's interesting. Read the following quickly and count the number of F's you see, then read the comment to see the answer. Don't recount them, or you get a B.

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Don't overanalyze it, it's just for fun.
[Highlight me for the answer(SIX)]
Well, I was going to share a bit of wisdom before the end of this post, but unfortunately I cannot come up with something original at the moment (my brain is rebelling). Instead, I will share something my father shared with me many times in my life;

"You can pick your friends,
and you can pick your nose,
but you can't pick your friend's nose." --Big Daddy Galloway

Yes, I had an extremely enriching childhood. Hmm, I think I've decided to go to the KWUR station. Have a good weekend everyone, I'm going to attempt to avoid posting for the rest of the weekend to let one of my reader's catch up. Wish me luck in this endeavor, you know how much I love to ramble. That, and something might happen that prompts me to post. Finally, always remember;

(Having fun highlighting?)
You are unique, no one else is you,
and no one else will ever be you... Therefore, you are valuable.Thanks for visiting!
(1) I use green text to denote the more boring posts.

Close enough or Don't Stand So Close to Me

2006-03-23T23:07:00.000-06:00

Ahhh, apartment sitting. Where I spend time alone wondering what it would be like not to be... There is a painful amount of homework to be done, so what's the first thing I actually do when I get here?

Well, a few things:
Start shedding clothing...
'Borrow' someone's wireless internet(Thanks "nic")...
Charge my cellphone..
And post a Blog entry...

I should post a recipe, for the hell of it;

Corn Starch (8-12 parts)
Water (1 part)

Mix those and enjoy, just don't eat it. It's for playing with. Imagine if silly putty and a slug had albino offspring, it would be this stuff. I guess it is technically edible, but I can't vouch for the taste, I'm guessing the paste from pre-school tasted a lot better.

So, now that I've gotten this out of my system, I can hopefully focus on the task at hand. And the monster I'm about to finish (tomorrow night = coma).

[The following isn't worth reading, so I hid it.]

There you were,
There I went.
Chest tightens.
Successful intention.
Seconds of vision,
Hours of sensation.
How does the mental
so strongly affect the physical?
Your in my head,
but my biology reacts.
Do I cling to my wishes,
or do my wishes cling to me.
If I let go, I can join you in indifference...

Useless or Use Less

2006-03-23T01:22:00.000-06:00

I figured out yet another use for my blog. I'll use it to help me remember names I want to remember. For instance, I met a fellow DJ trainee, named Melissa. She seems really interesting, and we enjoyed some mutual procrastination for a good seven and a half minutes, I look forward to another brief random conversation with her in the future. And now that her name is in writing, I shouldn't forget it...

[Listening to: Blood Sex and Booze -- Greenday]

The second brief conversation happened as she was leaving, we shared some of our opinions on some music. She prefers male vocals, I prefer female vocals. Common interests: Cake, Greenday, The Postal Service, Red Hot Chili Peppers, but not much else. I was able to make a bit more eye contact the second time around, for some reason I kept staring at walls the first time... Well, back to Physics. I'm going to attempt to not post more than once today, as well. So, my most cherished reader, you do not have to bother checking after reading this, I do so thoroughly appreciate your patronage!

"You know I will obey, so please
Don't make me beg"
--Billy Joe knows how it is...

My Only Post Today ... I Swear It

2006-03-22T08:55:00.000-06:00

I wish I had a hot bipolar teacher when I was younger... [link]

Things I enjoy:
Sushi
Sleep
Interesting conversations with interesting people
Procrastination
Success
Writing bad poetry
Reading good poetry
Drawing crappy pictures
Looking at well drawn art
Ani DiFranco
Good trance
Getting comments on here!
Getting messages in Facebook
Watching good movies
Getting problem sets done
Recieving messages from someone I enjoy interacting with
My reader!
..(no time for a longer list)..

Things I strongly dislike:
Failing
Rejection
My weaknesses (This covers quite a few items.)
Using Facebook too much
Procrastination
Insomnia
..(no time for a longer list)..

..But I think I like sushi most of all..

To My Two or What to Do...

2006-03-21T21:03:00.000-06:00

[Current Music: Pulse--Ani DiFranco]

[WARNING: LONG POST!]

Ok, I promised to mention New Orleans, and I have loyal readers to cater to... But I still don't feel right pluralizing reader, even if there are two of you wonderful people out there...

But first, something childish and irrelevant, yay:

So there's this girl that has some artistic talent. And she has one strong common (pop) cultural interest. And she might be nearly 23% as crazy as me (but probably not). However... She seems to have a 'full social platter,' if you know what I mean. And she sounds like she plans on 'dining' well in the future... Ok, maybe these metapohors are a stretch... And maybe this isn't the place to pick someone apart. I wish I could dwell on someone's negatives to push them from my head. But alas, I simply think she's an interesting person. It's ok, she'll ignore me, hopefully not like the last one I thought would ignore me, that still stings... Oh, and ...pick pick... she seems to make out with a lot of people...(note the emphasis on people...She's probably made out with more girls than I have.)

Ok, that was green (bowwing) for a reason, just felt like talkin' about something unimportant, sure beats doing homework.

Now, without further ado... Let's talk about the Bloc!

I've got the big room, my age finally earned me some leverage, that and everyone in my bloc is cool about everything, so no one there contested it. Although artsy-social-diner punched me a time or two about it. Then complained that I was a mean person.

My RoomMy big-enough-to-have a king-size-bedroom.
My lets-wrestle-on-the-wide-open-floor-room.
My lets-have-a-bottoms-only-party-room. (I apologize to any family reading this)
..
...
..
My it's-oftly-empty-in-here-alone-room...
My silence-can-echo-in-a-large-enough-space-room...
My I-have-a-huge-single-but-no-one-has-ever-seen-it...

Nah, I'm not picking it apart, just trying not to brag too much ;-)

Ok, I think that's it?

Oh, wait. Nawleans.

So, the trip down = long.
First shower = painfully cold.
Second shower = pleasantly hot.
Third shower = slightly chilly.
Fourth shower = painfully cold.
Fifth shower = painfully cold.

Now, you may ask;
"Why did you take so many painfully cold showers?"
And if you didn't, I'll answer anyway...
We were staying in an abandoned hotel. The hot water was iffy at best, and I think it was in limited supply. So I now appreciate warm showers...a lot more... My room smelled a little stale, and after a long day of house-gutting, I smelled rather stale myself. With a film of New Orleans mold, sweat, and dirt covering my body, a shower was required, freezing cold or not.

The food, probably far below par, but when you're American-starving(1), it tastes delicious. Amazingly a hotdog seemed more than edible. Even the second meal consisting of only a plain hotdog, when they ran out of condiments. Breakfast consisted of a small plastic bowl with cereal in it. I think that may be the first time in my life when I ate an official serving of cereal for breakfast, usually I eat my bowl full...

The first work-day, the nice old man who was watching us tear down his grand-daughter's house offered to buy us some Popeye's Chicken for lunch. Our team-leader passed, we're getting Styrofoam boxes with 5 oz of food, what would we want with chicken? Well, noon came and went...then one o'clock arrived, and the troops got the team leader to make a call...
"Sorry guys, we have to go pick it up..."
Grrr...(That wasn't me, that was my stomach)
Grrrr...(And that one was me)
So, we sent off two people in the car, to go back to the hotel, to get our Styrofoam boxes of food, but I was hungry, anything short of moldy drywall and insulation was sounding mouthwatering. One problem, they arrived too late, the food left as they got there.
So, we went from a delicious meal of chicken, to a box of light, yet edible fair, to nothing...
"My bad guys, I think they might have told me I was supposed to go pick it up..."
Grrrr...(This time it was me and my stomach, synchronized)
So...We all pitched in, and I had to pay two dollars for lunch. We ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, split a few dollar bags of chips, generic brand squeeze-its(the real ones aren't made anymore). And boy did it hit the spot, I even ate an apple. And some peanuts. And drank a lot of water. And my stomach shut up. But *I* still felt like growling. Team-leader didn't make a very good impression on me that day...

But at least gramps called me babe a few times, that made me feel special...

[Still listening to Pulse...]

(1) Yeah, bringin' back the footnotes! American-starving, me and my bro came up with it, as Americans, we rarely know what true starving is, so it's almost an insult to those who are to say we are. So we instead say "American-starving" out of some small sense of respect to those who are dying without food. It's bad enough that we whine after 12 hours without food...

A Quickie in the Morning or Brisk Morning for a Brisk Post

2006-03-21T07:45:00.000-06:00

This could be the last snow of the year, let's enjoy it! Or lets just glare at it on our way to classes, either way....

Ok, I've had one request for a Spring Break post, I should hold out for another... But I made an agreement, so the post will occur later in the day, regardless.

Time is short, as is the pathway to my emotion,
I'll end with a quote as I revel in my potion...

Self-deprecation is no substitute for humility...
...Not sure why I do it...

[I can almost guarantee two posts today, but I promise not more than three...]

[Quick cutesy addendum, not counting this as a separate post...]

By the way, these areauthentic porcupinebabies. (Thanks Mel)

Red Bull Isn't the Only Way to Get Wings or ..?..

2006-03-20T14:40:00.000-06:00

To my precious reader:
I know I had something witty to say, but I seem to have lost it during my walk to Holme's Lounge, sorry.

I actually got some tasks completed today!!
Met with the computer science advisor and signed up for one of my minors. Set my tutoring checks to be direct deposit. Cashed one tutoring check and the check my grandmother sent me over a week ago (was either for B-day or trip). Went to FA office and completed my audit-form and canceled the work study option. Wow, seems like quick little errands when typed so succinctly. Now I have an hour to spare before class. If my productivity holds up I can perhaps get a workout in before my evening class.

I think I'll avoid posting any more today, no matter how tempting it may be. Seems silly to post more often than I'm read, anyway. Sorry about not posting some New Orleans stories, if someone reminds me, I'll be sure to post one tomorrow...

Quick conversation I had mere minutes ago:
"Nothing makes a low fat muffin taste better than butter."

"So nothing makes a low fat muffin better than adding fat?"

"Well, it [the muffin] has low fat, so it balances out..."

Tipper

2006-03-19T01:25:00.000-06:00

[Since I had one request for a blog from Peaches, and one against, I'll write from a pets point of view, however not Peaches.]

My owner is two. Not anymore. My home is big. Not anymore. I have free reign over my land. Not anymore.
In large moving cage. Not anymore.
Owner is new. New owner kind.
New owner gone. Not anymore.
Live with cat. Cat over-rated. Cat punches. Cat greedy. Cat should share owner lap. Cat should share owner sleep-nest. Sleep-nest high. Sleep-nest too high. Cannot reach sleep-nest. Owner helps. Not always.
Cat stubborn. Cat too dumb for games.
Like to go onto my land when want to. Cannot anymore.
Large moving cage not bad. Clear wall bring many smells. Not alone in large moving cage.
Alone bad. Pack unstable. Not anymore?

[Tipper is a little three year old Shih Tzu, I'd post a picture, but I don't have one, so here's a different dog that looks like her]

Quickie

2006-03-18T15:13:00.000-06:00

Just quick...
I feel better than I have in a long time, for a lot of reasons, not all of them to be mentioned...
I went to Nawleans for spring break, and tore down some walls. I'll give more details later, all for you, my wondrous reader...

Get Over Myself or Does Six Feet Under Count?

2006-03-18T00:28:00.000-06:00

Hello, my beloved reader. I apologize for the delay in writing, it really wasn't possible. I was in no state or condition to update you until recently. I will inform you tomorrow as to what I have been up to, but I insist that you think of me no differently. I'll give you a poem, but these feelings might be a little useless and/or outdated.

Sometimes I get lost in the maze of my mind...
Yet the image of you is easy to find...
Is it the end or is it the start...
Perhaps I have found a chamber of my heart...

Farewell, may your days be numbered beyond the counting...