Death of a Spider or What's for Breakfast

I awoke to my cell phone... not a call, just the alarm. Half the time when I awake to it, I still think it's ringing... So, attempt to guess the first thing I do... Get dressed? No... Eat breakfast? Not quite... Go sit in front of the computer for a quick peek? Hmm, apparently. And as I sit I see something hovering. It's not fuzz, but an unfortunate creature. I say unfortunate because, although I have no interest in personally killing any creature large or small, I feel compelled to remove spiders from my presence. Maybe it's the fact that I've been bitten in my sleep, or maybe it's a thought a little more pleasant...

http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mspidereat.html

So, for those who don't want to leave my blog, thanks, I cherish your visit. For your benefit I will quote a bit from the straightdope page. And if anyone reads this months down the road and the link is broken, please feel free to email harmonichalo at gmail dot com so I can fix the issue (no, I will not explain this email).

"I have heard from numerous sources (many of them seemingly credible) that the average human consumes an average of four spiders per year in his or her sleep. Is there any truth to this fact? And if so, why would the spiders go in our mouths? --Michael O'Shea"

See, I'm sure you ate something more appetizing than this for breakfast. And if not, feel free to share. (The experience, not the meal.)

Doug:
"Amazingly, I cannot find this one debunked in either the alt.folklore.urban or snopes urban legend archives."

Not very comforting..yet.

"Realistically, the average number of spiders swallowed at night per person per lifetime is probably less than one."

In this case, my favorite number less than one is zero.

"For a spider to get into your mouth while you're sleeping, (a) you must have your mouth OPEN, which is certainly not universal, so there's a big chunk of people who can never swallow anything"

And there's some people who can swallow anything... They've showed me...

"b) there has to be a wandering spider in your immediate vicinity, also something which--for most people in the civilized world, at least--is a fairly rare occurrence; (c) the spider has to either jump or fall into your mouth from a long distance, because they won't go near your mouth otherwise (they're not suicidal)"

I'm not sure what fairly rare means, but I've lived in a house where I saw about a spider a week... ahh, childhood... As for spiders not being suicidal; I don't think they do much by intention or invention, it's not like they plan out their day:

• eat a bug
• make a web
• eat a bug
• crawl into Fred's mouth for a nap

"Put it all together, and it would be a miracle for a spider to end up in anyone's mouth while they're sleeping, except for one rare circumstance--"

A miracle you say? This is one particular miracle I could do without knowing about or experiencing. I'd much rather become spontaneously volacious...

Pleasant dreams.