Thursday, March 30, 2006

Girl Scouts Should Take Meal Points...

So, I find myself in excess of meal points. I have $963.73 when even the most generous plan should have less than $637. I treated them like money throughout the year, and to me, they are. So... my recent squandaries(1) include some monster, protein bars, and large quantities of sugarless/sugarfree gum. I spoke with the manager of the village store, and gave him my next request. Six boxes of orbit gum (three citrus, two cinnamon, one regular), one case of monster (Khaos), and two boxes of protein bars. Grand total: 222$ even. Yeah, it's going to be good to have a single, then I will be in full control of my 'supplies'... As long as I keep my door locked.

To anyone who is not aware of this wonderful concept: meal points are like money, only they cost more than a dollar each, spend at a dollar each, are required purchases, and disappear at the end of the semester if unused. They can also only be used to buy generally overpriced food. Ex: Case of monster with meal points 65$, case of monster at Sam's Club 28$.
[Hidden message: Hi! Thanks for reading!]
Now, if I was able to use my meal points to buy girl scout cookies...I'd need a deadbolt.

Until next time, may all your cookies be made with real girl scouts...

(1)This is not actually a word.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


It's good to know someone else is fully aware of your existence. When someone goes out of their way to say hi. When they smile at the sight of you. When you know your presence cheers them up. There's something satisfying in that. You can't help but feel a reciprocal sense of appreciation.

Thank you.

Side Note:
A fresh candle...
The smell of a burnt match...
A campfire in all stages...
A merrily crackling fireplace...
A candle in its last moments...
The embers of desire in her eyes.
Did all cavemen suffer from pyromania? An inexplicable love of the flame that made their food oh so tasty? Yet what attaches me to fire? It was my favorite toy in my youth, I'm lucky I never burnt anything down and only have a scar or two...

Until later, keep your home fires burning...

Late Night
Early Morning

[And then the talking cat proceeded to...]
[**My phone is making noise....**]
[What the hell, is it time to wake up already?]
[Wait, that's not my alarm, only took four rings to figure that out...]
"What's up?"
....[my mind forgets the middle stuff]...
"What are you doing Friday?"
[Man, when is the last time someone actually asked me that...]
"Bathing in a vat of self loathing..."
[What did I just say??]
"Bathing in a vat of self loathing..."
[Oh, thought that was what I said... must have sounded better than "nothing" to my still half-sleeping brain...]
...[more omissions]...

My eyes:
I once tried to figure out what color they were, but failed. I call them hazel, since it's a greenish-bluish-brownish color. Some people see green, especially when green is their favorite color.
One person I met saw gray. I hoped it was because they liked the color, and therefore, possibly my eyes, and possibly me. The voice told me it was because gray was boring, and they secretly found me less than interesting. I ignored the voice and tried to be...what's that word...optimistic? Well, actions prove the truth, and I guess the voice was right. But it isn't always...

Yeah, it's a late night, and I'm going back to my dreams, however random they may be...

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The 28th of March

Signed up for a spot at KWUR, I'll be sitting in on "Making out at stoplights" on Thursday from ten 'till midnight. Currently on my playlist: Sigur Ros ["( )" and "Takk..."] followed by The Scofflaws. So far Sigur reminds me of Mogwai with more vocals. I think it's better that I can't understand what they're saying, I can study to it... Now onto ESE230.

10:00-11:00     Class
11:30- 1:00 More Class
4:30- 5:00 Physics Review (Crow)
7:00- 8:00 ESE317 Session
8:00-10:00 Physics Review (Cornerstone).

Sign up for KWUR sit-in
[ ] CSE132 lab
[ ] ESE230 HW
[ ] ESE317 HW
[ ] Resume

Monday, March 27, 2006

Re-evaluation Time
Reclaim Misspent Focus

Ok, I've been bad. Bad to myself, and my life. I've been focusing far too much energy in directions where it wasn't wanted or necessary. I've become a scheduling event, a 'side-project' for some. I have gradually skewed my priorities until they are truly self destructive. As of today I must evaluate what is really important and devote most of my time and energy into what matters.

Studying for Tests
Time Management
Proper Diet
Friends Who Seek Me

Not Important:
[bitter] My 'Love Life' [/bitter] (along with all that entails)
This Blog
Checking my email more than once a day
Answering my phone every time it rings (I mean honestly, who does that?)
Anything related to the internet but unrelated to school
People who would forget about me if I left them alone

Now, I enjoy sharing, but I should not go here to avoid reality. I spend too much time here, and I think I've been using it to escape when I should have been actually attending to more pressing matters. That will stop. I will still post, and I still appreciate both of my wondrous readers, but I will try to avoid this as much as possible until I believe I am using it in a reasonable fashion. I think the darker side should take a hiatus, it doesn't seem as cathartic as I thought it once was, I can go back to ignoring certain aspects of myself, they've had their share of my focus recently.

Sleep, Diet, Exercise:
I've neglected sleep quite a few times in the last month, and supplemented that with ... unnerving amounts of caffeine (I still luv u monster). Well, that should stop. If I manage my time properly that will not be needed. And the few times I avoided sleep to spend time with someone (those were few and far between), I do not regret. Exercise is a good use of my time, I feel like my body wants to get back into the shape it used to be, and we've all heard about the various benefits of working out and staying in shape.

Friendship is a two way street, but some of my friends live on such busy roads, they won't notice one less pedestrian. Ok, so maybe that metaphor is a little weak, but you know how much I love tormenting my native language. There are friends who actually do think about me, some new, some newer. I appreciate them and look forward to future correspondence. They make me feel worthwhile, and I hope they know how appreciated they are. Some new friends I have made a poor impression on, and we are destined to remain acquaintances. Oh well, such is life.

I have been using it all too frequently to waste time that I should be using more efficiently. I will do my best to avoid checking on every aspect of my online world at every opportunity. And some aspects I am going to cut out of my routine. (Not Strongbad, of course!) Bad habits are bad habits, no matter how compulsive the desire may be. (This includes compulsive email/facebook checking. Cell Phone will be the best way to reach me. If you got here through facebook, and are reading this, you have permission to call if you have something to say...)

I should attempt to be less vain, yet more self confident. Not sure how, but I think I've been able to simultaneously lack self confidence, yet feel a good portion of vanity. Strange... (As for 'love life' yeah, it's definitely defunct, defective, and deleterious, but I'm almost positive not a single person wants to hear about any aspect of this topic, so I'll move on....)

Why do I post this? I feel like if I tell people, they may notice if I sway from my course of action and possibly prod me back in the right direction. That and some people may actually wonder about my change of behavior. This is a place, should they happen to check, where they can see somewhat of an explanation.

I didn't mean for this to seem so Jerry Maguire-esque, honest. It's not some sort of epiphany, it's more like a frustrating finale. I need to grow up, really...

[Listening to: The Beautiful South-- Don't Marry Her (interesting, to say the least)]

Friday, March 24, 2006

Was That my Phone?
No Rest for the Witted

[Secret message: You are awesome!!]
I'm experiencing a dull buzzing, and it's not my cell phone. Think I'll drown it out with music. Sublime anyone? No pressing matters, but a lot impending on the horizon. I could use an 8-10 hour nap, but instead I will evade sleep as long as possible. Was going to hang out with a friend this evening, but I have a feeling that will fall through. Maybe I should wander the Loop... I need some unwinding before tomorrow's grinding.

In an attempt to save this topic from getting greened'ed(1), I'm going to share something, call it a test. If you haven't seen it before, it's interesting. Read the following quickly and count the number of F's you see, then read the comment to see the answer. Don't recount them, or you get a B.


Don't overanalyze it, it's just for fun.
[Highlight me for the answer(SIX)]
Well, I was going to share a bit of wisdom before the end of this post, but unfortunately I cannot come up with something original at the moment (my brain is rebelling). Instead, I will share something my father shared with me many times in my life;

"You can pick your friends,
and you can pick your nose,
but you can't pick your friend's nose." --Big Daddy Galloway

Yes, I had an extremely enriching childhood. Hmm, I think I've decided to go to the KWUR station. Have a good weekend everyone, I'm going to attempt to avoid posting for the rest of the weekend to let one of my reader's catch up. Wish me luck in this endeavor, you know how much I love to ramble. That, and something might happen that prompts me to post. Finally, always remember;

(Having fun highlighting?)
You are unique, no one else is you,
and no one else will ever be you...
Therefore, you are valuable.
Thanks for visiting!

(1) I use green text to denote the more boring posts.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Close enough
Don't Stand So Close to Me

Ahhh, apartment sitting. Where I spend time alone wondering what it would be like not to be... There is a painful amount of homework to be done, so what's the first thing I actually do when I get here?

Well, a few things:
Start shedding clothing...
'Borrow' someone's wireless internet(Thanks "nic")...
Charge my cellphone..
And post a Blog entry...

I should post a recipe, for the hell of it;

Corn Starch (8-12 parts)
Water (1 part)

Mix those and enjoy, just don't eat it. It's for playing with. Imagine if silly putty and a slug had albino offspring, it would be this stuff. I guess it is technically edible, but I can't vouch for the taste, I'm guessing the paste from pre-school tasted a lot better.

So, now that I've gotten this out of my system, I can hopefully focus on the task at hand. And the monster I'm about to finish (tomorrow night = coma).

[The following isn't worth reading, so I hid it.]

There you were,
There I went.
Chest tightens.
Successful intention.
Seconds of vision,
Hours of sensation.
How does the mental
so strongly affect the physical?
Your in my head,
but my biology reacts.
Do I cling to my wishes,
or do my wishes cling to me.
If I let go, I can join you in indifference...

Use Less

I figured out yet another use for my blog. I'll use it to help me remember names I want to remember. For instance, I met a fellow DJ trainee, named Melissa. She seems really interesting, and we enjoyed some mutual procrastination for a good seven and a half minutes, I look forward to another brief random conversation with her in the future. And now that her name is in writing, I shouldn't forget it...

[Listening to: Blood Sex and Booze -- Greenday]

The second brief conversation happened as she was leaving, we shared some of our opinions on some music. She prefers male vocals, I prefer female vocals. Common interests: Cake, Greenday, The Postal Service, Red Hot Chili Peppers, but not much else. I was able to make a bit more eye contact the second time around, for some reason I kept staring at walls the first time... Well, back to Physics. I'm going to attempt to not post more than once today, as well. So, my most cherished reader, you do not have to bother checking after reading this, I do so thoroughly appreciate your patronage!

"You know I will obey, so please
Don't make me beg"

--Billy Joe knows how it is...

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

My Only Post Today
I Swear It

I wish I had a hot bipolar teacher when I was younger... [link]

Things I enjoy:
Interesting conversations with interesting people
Writing bad poetry
Reading good poetry
Drawing crappy pictures
Looking at well drawn art
Ani DiFranco
Good trance
Getting comments on here!
Getting messages in Facebook
Watching good movies
Getting problem sets done
Recieving messages from someone I enjoy interacting with
My reader!
..(no time for a longer list)..

Things I strongly dislike:
My weaknesses (This covers quite a few items.)
Using Facebook too much
..(no time for a longer list)..

..But I think I like sushi most of all..

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

To My Two
What to Do...

[Current Music: Pulse--Ani DiFranco]


Ok, I promised to mention New Orleans, and I have loyal readers to cater to... But I still don't feel right pluralizing reader, even if there are two of you wonderful people out there...

But first, something childish and irrelevant, yay:

So there's this girl that has some artistic talent. And she has one strong common (pop) cultural interest. And she might be nearly 23% as crazy as me (but probably not). However... She seems to have a 'full social platter,' if you know what I mean. And she sounds like she plans on 'dining' well in the future... Ok, maybe these metapohors are a stretch... And maybe this isn't the place to pick someone apart. I wish I could dwell on someone's negatives to push them from my head. But alas, I simply think she's an interesting person. It's ok, she'll ignore me, hopefully not like the last one I thought would ignore me, that still stings... Oh, and ...pick pick... she seems to make out with a lot of people...(note the emphasis on people...She's probably made out with more girls than I have.)

Ok, that was green (bowwing) for a reason, just felt like talkin' about something unimportant, sure beats doing homework.

Now, without further ado... Let's talk about the Bloc!

I've got the big room, my age finally earned me some leverage, that and everyone in my bloc is cool about everything, so no one there contested it. Although artsy-social-diner punched me a time or two about it. Then complained that I was a mean person.

My Room
My big-enough-to-have a king-size-bedroom.
My lets-wrestle-on-the-wide-open-floor-room.
My lets-have-a-bottoms-only-party-room. (I apologize to any family reading this)
My it's-oftly-empty-in-here-alone-room...
My silence-can-echo-in-a-large-enough-space-room...

My I-have-a-huge-single-but-no-one-has-ever-seen-it...

Nah, I'm not picking it apart, just trying not to brag too much ;-)

Ok, I think that's it?

Oh, wait. Nawleans.

So, the trip down = long.
First shower = painfully cold.
Second shower = pleasantly hot.
Third shower = slightly chilly.
Fourth shower = painfully cold.
Fifth shower = painfully cold.

Now, you may ask;
"Why did you take so many painfully cold showers?"
And if you didn't, I'll answer anyway...
We were staying in an abandoned hotel. The hot water was iffy at best, and I think it was in limited supply. So I now appreciate warm showers...a lot more... My room smelled a little stale, and after a long day of house-gutting, I smelled rather stale myself. With a film of New Orleans mold, sweat, and dirt covering my body, a shower was required, freezing cold or not.

The food, probably far below par, but when you're American-starving(1), it tastes delicious. Amazingly a hotdog seemed more than edible. Even the second meal consisting of only a plain hotdog, when they ran out of condiments. Breakfast consisted of a small plastic bowl with cereal in it. I think that may be the first time in my life when I ate an official serving of cereal for breakfast, usually I eat my bowl full...

The first work-day, the nice old man who was watching us tear down his grand-daughter's house offered to buy us some Popeye's Chicken for lunch. Our team-leader passed, we're getting Styrofoam boxes with 5 oz of food, what would we want with chicken? Well, noon came and went...then one o'clock arrived, and the troops got the team leader to make a call...
"Sorry guys, we have to go pick it up..."
Grrr...(That wasn't me, that was my stomach)
Grrrr...(And that one was me)
So, we sent off two people in the car, to go back to the hotel, to get our Styrofoam boxes of food, but I was hungry, anything short of moldy drywall and insulation was sounding mouthwatering. One problem, they arrived too late, the food left as they got there.
So, we went from a delicious meal of chicken, to a box of light, yet edible fair, to nothing...
"My bad guys, I think they might have told me I was supposed to go pick it up..."
Grrrr...(This time it was me and my stomach, synchronized)
So...We all pitched in, and I had to pay two dollars for lunch. We ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, split a few dollar bags of chips, generic brand squeeze-its(the real ones aren't made anymore). And boy did it hit the spot, I even ate an apple. And some peanuts. And drank a lot of water. And my stomach shut up. But *I* still felt like growling. Team-leader didn't make a very good impression on me that day...

But at least gramps called me babe a few times, that made me feel special...

[Still listening to Pulse...]

(1) Yeah, bringin' back the footnotes! American-starving, me and my bro came up with it, as Americans, we rarely know what true starving is, so it's almost an insult to those who are to say we are. So we instead say "American-starving" out of some small sense of respect to those who are dying without food. It's bad enough that we whine after 12 hours without food...

A Quickie in the Morning
Brisk Morning for a Brisk Post

This could be the last snow of the year, let's enjoy it! Or lets just glare at it on our way to classes, either way....

Ok, I've had one request for a Spring Break post, I should hold out for another... But I made an agreement, so the post will occur later in the day, regardless.

Time is short, as is the pathway to my emotion,
I'll end with a quote as I revel in my potion...

Self-deprecation is no substitute for humility...
...Not sure why I do it...

[I can almost guarantee two posts today, but I promise not more than three...]

[Quick cutesy addendum, not counting this as a separate post...]

By the way, these are
authentic porcupine
babies. (Thanks Mel)

Monday, March 20, 2006

Red Bull Isn't the Only Way to Get Wings

To my precious reader:
I know I had something witty to say, but I seem to have lost it during my walk to Holme's Lounge, sorry.

I actually got some tasks completed today!!
Met with the computer science advisor and signed up for one of my minors. Set my tutoring checks to be direct deposit. Cashed one tutoring check and the check my grandmother sent me over a week ago (was either for B-day or trip). Went to FA office and completed my audit-form and canceled the work study option. Wow, seems like quick little errands when typed so succinctly. Now I have an hour to spare before class. If my productivity holds up I can perhaps get a workout in before my evening class.

I think I'll avoid posting any more today, no matter how tempting it may be. Seems silly to post more often than I'm read, anyway. Sorry about not posting some New Orleans stories, if someone reminds me, I'll be sure to post one tomorrow...

Quick conversation I had mere minutes ago:
"Nothing makes a low fat muffin taste better than butter."

"So nothing makes a low fat muffin better than adding fat?"

"Well, it [the muffin] has low fat, so it balances out..."

Sunday, March 19, 2006


[Since I had one request for a blog from Peaches, and one against, I'll write from a pets point of view, however not Peaches.]

My owner is two. Not anymore. My home is big. Not anymore. I have free reign over my land. Not anymore.
In large moving cage. Not anymore.
Owner is new. New owner kind.
New owner gone. Not anymore.
Live with cat. Cat over-rated. Cat punches. Cat greedy. Cat should share owner lap. Cat should share owner sleep-nest. Sleep-nest high. Sleep-nest too high. Cannot reach sleep-nest. Owner helps. Not always.
Cat stubborn. Cat too dumb for games.
Like to go onto my land when want to. Cannot anymore.
Large moving cage not bad. Clear wall bring many smells. Not alone in large moving cage.

Alone bad. Pack unstable. Not anymore?

[Tipper is a little three year old Shih Tzu, I'd post a picture, but I don't have one, so here's a different dog that looks like her]

Saturday, March 18, 2006


Just quick...
I feel better than I have in a long time, for a lot of reasons, not all of them to be mentioned...
I went to Nawleans for spring break, and tore down some walls. I'll give more details later, all for you, my wondrous reader...

Get Over Myself
Does Six Feet Under Count?

Hello, my beloved reader. I apologize for the delay in writing, it really wasn't possible. I was in no state or condition to update you until recently. I will inform you tomorrow as to what I have been up to, but I insist that you think of me no differently. I'll give you a poem, but these feelings might be a little useless and/or outdated.

Sometimes I get lost in the maze of my mind...
Yet the image of you is easy to find...
Is it the end or is it the start...
Perhaps I have found a chamber of my heart...

Farewell, may your days be numbered beyond the counting...


Friday, March 10, 2006

It's Not My Birthday, Not Today
Un-Merry Un-Birthday

Should I dig through silky waxy memories and see what I can find? Would I be indulging us both, or simply wasting my own time? Hmmm, I could be waiting a while if I wait for a response, so I'll take a chance on this being interesting:

In my youth my mom baked. She was very good at it, and it was something that was mutually beneficial to all involved parties. I remember birthdays fondly primarily due to the cakes she would make. That would be my main 'gift'. I never really invited many friends over for birthdays, I can't even remember the most people I've ever had at a party...maybe three or four? Sorry, back to cakes. I remember a few of them. A three-dimensional Carebear, don't remember precisely which bear, just remember that the cake was bigger than my head. Another year she did a bust of Darth-Vader. (Bet you never thought you'd see 'bust' and Darth-Vader in the same sentence.) The funny thing is, I don't recall ever really liking cake. But I liked the thought and effort she put into her art form. Just to please the child she had excised from her body...(Ok, I know that's a harsh way of phrasing it, but it's tongue-in-cheek)

Even though I do recall receiving Legos, a Desk, clothes, etc, I remember the cakes most clearly...

So yes, I'm now officially even older than all of my fellow students. I received three phone calls, and a bible. I'm actually rather bitter about the bible, for one thing it's christian and was given to me by a jewish acquaintance of mine, so I can't help but feel like he was just trying to get rid of it and thought throwing it away was inappropriate... The other reasons are not really important or worth explaining...

I will try to post again sometime today. I am not sure when/if I'll post over spring break. (consults Magic-Eight-Ball)....
(-Outlook not so good-)

So, I hope it's not obvious that I was trying to keep this upbeat, however I'd like to share some Ani DiFranco lyrics that have applied to more than one situation in my life...

'cause I like you
but I know you don't know it

I like you soo much,
I talk to everyone but you
and I wonder
what you would think of this little number
I wonder
what you would say if you knew
If you don't ask the right questions
every answer seems wrong
--Ani DiFranco, "Hell Yeah"

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Let's Make it Quick: Soporific Teaching

"A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep."

Remember in high-school, when you had teachers who cared if you slept in their class? I always wanted to be a teacher just so I could be creative with keeping the attention span of the students. Nerf guns are fun, I knew a physics teacher who used them on late students. Then there's the teacher who thinks slapping a ruler on the desk does the trick. Personally, I'd call on them in front of their classmates and ask a question pertaining to what I said within the last 30 seconds. Of course, that would require me to know their names, and I've always been bad at that... I could always keep a 'nap-time scoreboard' to keep track of who finds it unavoidable to doze off. I think I actually would care if a student dozed off. I used to doze off because the professor seemed to be merely reciting information, as if he was talking to an empty room, or himself in the mirror. It wasn't that I didn't care about the material, or that I honestly wanted to sleep, but it was so difficult to stave off for long. However, I'd like to think I could present any material in an interesting enough way to maintain the attention of those I was teaching. Usually quality drifts up in any employment system. It follows the money. I think that is why I have relatively unpleasant memories of being taught in high-school. So I may never end up teaching high-school or junior-high, even if I become a teacher. Of course, that's me making the assumption that I'm quality. Kind of a big leap for me.

I'll try to keep the posts to one today, since I do have stuff to do anyway, and you, my beloved reader, probably have things to do too....

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Either Here

[Not quite sure if this post is depressing, if it makes you sad in anyway, I apologize, I'll be sure to end the post with happy thoughts... ]

Time is a powerful thing. It provides us wisdom. It develops us. It brings us closer to happy times. Time also ages us, killing us eventually... Time fades our memories, unless we cling irrationally, unrealistically to them. Confidence is something that seems to be held heavily under time's sway... When I'm with someone, and there is a strong mutual interest, I feel a deep confidence in the situation. If the rapport is strong enough, I may even feel confident being my true self. Then, void of interaction, time plays it's part, stripping away the fragile layers of confidence I've formed. Did I assume too much? Was my judgment clouded by emotion? Were they just saying what they said because it seemed appropriate at the time?

Pure confidence isn't situational. It's a faith in yourself unconstrained to what others say or do. It's a spiritual backbone that helps you stand straight in any situation. No matter how you hold yourself, if your spirit slouches, you'll have problems hiding your insecurity...

That wasn't so bad, time to cheer up!!

(To make these super happy, I'll attach links!)
Kittens & Puppies
A girl as cloying as a half pound of saccharin
Rubber Duckies!

Here, in case you don't want to follow links that take you away from me, I'll quote from saccharin girl's site:

"Love is when you see someone you know you can't be with, and you don't even think about that because you're just happy to see them."

I do not think love can be defined in such simple terms. Through over-use love has lost some of the meaning it should have. Still, with a little work that quote could be somewhat pertinent...

"If the majority of single people out there hate Valentine's Day because it reminds them of what they don't have, but I like it because I find it beautiful even if I can't have it, why am I the immature one?"

[Sorry, I've got to respond to this one:]
Why must there be a holiday to remind people that they are in a relationship? When I'm with someone I have feelings for, I don't desire to share the celebration. The proximity to them fills me with an almost tangible sense of satisfaction. I don't care what happens next, as long as it doesn't involve either of us parting ways... So, valentine's day provides an excuse, but how is the day beautiful?

Seeking Solace

Hmmm, tests are always an eye-opening experience. When you realize all the time you spent studying the assigned material and lecture notes was in vain(1)...the test covers the stuff that went unmentioned. I guess we were to use our latent psychic abilities. I didn't do terrible, and being graded on my peers may spare me. One third of the test I spewed out randomly as bull-sh**. But it's math, so perhaps the TA's grading the paper will think I actually had a goal or aim in mind, and I'll get partial credit. Better than leaving it blank. Hmm, I just realized it's Cheap Lunch Day. (For the uninitiated, cheap lunch is a 2$ lunch involving two slices of pizza, a soda or drink, and all-you-can-eat chips and cookies.) I'll write a slightly more serious post at some point, if you ask nicely...

(If no one asks, I'll pretend someone did)

(1)Ok, so I don't actually study the assigned material and lecture notes that much (read: at all?), but this post explains it is pointless anyway....

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

A Toast to the Morning
A Morning Post

Something I made for you, my treasured reader...

It was just for fun, but it sure took a long time. I always thought it would be fun to have artistic ability, maybe someday I can live vicariously through a gifted son/daughter...

So, feed your soul with good experiences, good thoughts, (cringes) love... Imagine what your soul would enjoy consuming, and feed it. Sometimes I'm incredibly guilty of mistreating mine...

Monday, March 06, 2006

Streamlined Procrastination
I Feel Like Sharing!

I have something to share with you, cherished reader... I'm in love... The program is called _ePrompter_, and it's very simple. It sets everything up itself. Oh, but I'm getting ahead of myself, you don't even know what it does! It checks my emails, all of them, at once. Well, 8/9 isn't bad. It can't check my school email, so I set that email up to forward to a different box that ePrompter can check. So now instead of wasting 30 minutes or more a day switching between accounts, I open the program and check all at once. It even checks them again for me every 15 minutes. The checks help me avoid the nagging feeling that I haven't checked in 18 and a half minutes and I might be missing something. Wow, what am I going to do with all this time I'm saving? Don't worry, I've got my ideas...

Quick Note

I awoke to the buzzing. Amazing that a simple vibrating phone on a desk six feet from my head can wake me after only two hours... Maybe I was actually anticipating waking up to... the can of monster in my fridge. I apologize to my body as I begin consumption. If I can, I'll be sure to give it a nap later. I eat some breakfast, take a nice warm shower, and try on my new shirt... Too big. Oh well, now I'll look even skinnier...(The comment my housemate made still echoes softly in my mind...) I do my normal routine and leave the house. The cool air of the morning feels nice on my scalp and face. Refreshing. Good, I need refreshing. I walk to the counter at whispers and fill one of the clear plastic water-cups with my beverage. The amber color is more than just a little reminiscent of beer... Time is short, so this must be likewise.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Dam Broke
Damn, I Broke

(This post was removed, too dreary to be on this page. I want to keep my readers, not scare them off... (It was moved to the darker side of my blog...)

Friday, March 03, 2006

It Was All Yellow
Sometimes Things Look Blue

Ok, the title sounds colorful, so I have to back it up....

I figured, rather than bombard you with aimless text, I'd vent my creativity elsewhere. That and I have not been posting enough pictures. If you'd like to see this picture in a different way, feel free to request. I was going to make the background black and white, but the blue suits my mood sometimes, and my life could probably use more yellow...

A little fall
A little tree
Tree feels fall
Fall turns tree

Leaves fall free
Some leaves stall
Leaves leave tree
Down fall all

Fall decree
Tree so small
Goodbye tree
Goodbye fall

Ok, I felt like being silly... I'm aware it's not fall, and the trees are naked and the leaves are gone, but I still have memories, time moves on.

Now, I have some things to look into...


Just a Quickie

Coffee gives me icarus wings, it helps me do things. But the more I use it, the less it works, so I treasure it, and all it's perks.

(Yeah, I'm rather short on time and have predicted a quiz in 10 minutes...)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

My Quick Reward

I learned something somewhat useful... Google organizes searches by the phrase and how often it is linked. For instance, a lot of people apparently linked miserable failure to someone you might know... So if you do a search for 'miserable failure' his biography pops up at the top.

Interesting, funny, brief, informative, I give this post a 6/10.

I wonder if these are all actually words...
39 hepaticocholangiocholecystenterostomies
39 tetramethyldiaminobenzhydrylphosphinous
37 dimethylamidophenyldimethylpyrazolone
37 formaldehydetetramethylamidofluorimum
31 dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane
29 floccinaucinihilipilification
29 paradimethylaminobenzaldehyde
29 trinitrophenylmethylnitramine
28 antidisestablishmentarianism
27 antitransubstantiationalist
27 ethylenediaminetetraacetate
27 honorificabilitudinitatibus
27 hydroxydesoxycorticosterone
27 methylchloroisothiazolinone
27 octamethylpyrophosphoramide
26 anhydrohydroxyprogesterone
26 cystoureteropyelonephritis
26 ethylenediaminetetraacetic ...

Here's a more in depth article on 'google bombs'...

Ok, so this is no longer brief...feel free to complain, whatever gets me comments!

My attempt at a google bomb______________________________________ sapphire queen

Fountain of Youth
Fountain of Truth

I've heard two comments recently that have made me wonder...
[These are intentionally paraphrased to protect those who may not want me talking about them]
"You make me feel like I'm in high-school again..."
"No one has made me feel this way in almost a year..."
The curious part of these comments is that the people in question are rather young themselves. With full and rich lives ahead of them. Yet something about me brings back youthful memories? Is my spark of immaturity a raging inferno, yet I'm blissfully ignorant to the heat? Perhaps it's deeper than that, and I give cause to contemplate previous experiences. Does something about me pierce through shields forged in the furnace of experience...? (I guess I'm in a hot mood..)
[clarification: The 'shields' I refer to are possible defense mechanisms that may have been formed due to previous experience with the generally more cruel and animalistic gender... only I don't always categorize myself like that.]

Time flows swiftly to those unaware, but if you're waiting on a specific contact, the seconds drift as if through eternity.

I'm probably overanalyzing again, but that's the nature of my beast.

Wow, monster is good for the mind, and I like the taste...

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


"It's easy to fall asleep, just black out your mind."
Oh, if only that were a gift I possessed, I would make use of it frequently.

I left the KWUR meeting and felt dissatisfied. Not sure why. I contemplated this as I headed to the village to spend a few points. I considered going to my room, but decided against it, I'll be there often enough, Eric returns tomorrow. Goodbye available transportation. Goodbye apartment of my own. I hit the can downstairs, I appreciate the privacy. For how required an act these processes are, we sure aren't comfortable sharing them with others. At least I know I'm not. As a matter of fact, this makes me a little uncomfortable right now... I figure I'll multi-task, since I'd rather do something than just let my mind wander. I fire off a text message, out of idle curiosity. Time passes. I leave. I head back upstairs and go to the village store, decide upon a monster and a pack of sugarfree gum. Fresh breath, clean teeth and a little energy cocktail. Tempted to just chug the whole thing and see if I can skip a nights sleep... bad idea, I know, but still fun to contemplate. Instead this will be the energy portion of my breakfast. I sigh to myself as I depart. The dissatisfaction won't go away. I feel alone again, and it nags at me. It gnaws at me. It doesn't hurt, just annoys... Well, time to go 'enjoy' my last night of relative freedom. That and I'm sure the dog has made a mess that needs to be cleaned up, and the cat is probably dying for some attention. They won't fill this small void, but if I'm lucky my short attention span will assist me in pushing it from my thoughts...
Where's a sparkling trinket when you need one...

Intolerably Cruel
Heartfelt Fool

[I'm going to channel some thoughts, call it creative writing...]

Deep inside I know it's wrong,
but I whisper as if by song.
I ask you to hate,
to reverse your thought,
but your face turns red,
your ears burn hot.
Every word is yours to feel,
I make sure that the stings are real.
I tell you that you're not to blame,
for it's the truth,
and my shame.
My words caress,
more bitter than sweet,
they flow as if from music sheet.
The feelings I felt,
far too strong,
they saved us both,
by not lasting long.
As we depart you say goodnight,
but it's the end,
I say goodbye...

Ok, I'm incapable of mixing rhymes in with writing, and since rhymes are more challenging I chose to use them... But this one was for me anyway, so I'll recognize no complaints this time.

To cause someone to suffer with sweetness, invoking memories, increasing the span of their duration, and the awareness of them... To make the victim more painfully sensitive to the extinguished possibilities... Seems to me more nefarious than severing the ties with cruelty. I can't help but believe it takes someone with a malicious heart and grim talents to twist a knife formed of cloying comments... And to feel somehow...innocent during the ordeal, to convince themselves that they are actually providing some form of service to the process of seperation? I think I will refrain from posting tomorrow, I loathe someone right now...